Growing up I felt as if my mother’s hippie ways were a bad thing. The older I’ve become, I’ve realized that it’s most definitely a good thing. She’s pushed me to be the my best self, through positive affirmations, and reminding me to set my intention. As young adult trying to figure myself out, I thought this was a lot of “woo-woo,” but my mom was trying to reshape my internal monologue.
I have spent most of my life being incredibly hard on myself, mainly because I have really high expectations for myself. Anyone who knows or works with me knows that I also have high expectations for everyone else. BUT, if I am completely honest, my expectations for myself are always the highest.
But these has expectations do come at a cost…
The cost is how I speak to myself. You know, the internal monologue that runs throughout the day. Instead of encouraging myself meet my expectation, I spiral into negative self-talk when things don’t go as planned. I’m quick to point out my own shortcomings and berate myself for them. Over time the way we talk to ourselves can become the way we talk to others. Could the lens through which I see myself be the lens through which I view the world?
What if we talked to everyone the way we talked to ourselves…
You failed (I failed)
You are not pretty (I’m not pretty)
You are not skinny enough (I’m not skinny enough)
You are not fit (I am not fit)
You dropped the ball again (I drop the ball again)
Pretty harsh…This list could continue on and on, but I think you get what I mean.
We seriously need to show ourselves some love!
I’ve had a goal this year to speak a little more gently and calmly to my husband and my children. You see, I tend to be a little too direct and firm at times. It is nearly midway through the year and I realize that I am not making progress like I hoped. My friend Christina Tinker had a helpful piece of advice.
This really struck me…Why was I having such a hard time communicating with my loved ones? We want to encourage our children, make them feel loved and safe at all times. I know this, but for some reason I struggle in the moment.
Looking back I see that it starts with my internal monologue. I’m a natural leader and my professional and personal lives require this skill often, but it seems I have a hard time separating myself from that director role. My children and husband are not employees to be directed. They need support and motivation. They need a softer me.
Currently I have a lot of things that I’m juggling…
Keeping my self talk positive will absolutely help me find a more kind and gentle method of communication. But I’m learning that making any progress in softening up means I have to let go of the expectations a little.
Appreciating an effort, even if it does not exactly meet an expectation, encourages more effort. We almost got it right so we are willing to try again. If I apply this philosophy to myself first, if I encourage myself with kindness and gratitude, I will surely see more silver linings. I will learn to idealize and can spread this positive encouragement with the people I love.
Starting today, I’m working on choosing my words.
Keeping my self talk positive will absolutely help me find a more kind and gentle method of communication. But I’m learning that making any progress in softening up means I have to let go of the expectations a little.
I’m choosing to speak a little softer, calmer, and kinder to MYSELF.
I’m choosing to share that kindness with everyone else.
xoxo,
C
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