taking care – Page 4

Namaste Y’all!

April 20, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

If you’ve taken a yoga class or two, you may have heard the word “namaste”. You may have also seen memes like “namastay in bed” or “#namaslay”. These are fun and you all know I LOVE a clever meme, but it detracts from the meaning of this amazing word. Really, it’s more than a word. It’s a practice unto itself.

Namaste is a sanskrit word that literally means “I bow to you.” It is used as a salutation and can be a greeting or farewell. Pretty simple, but when flavored with context and seasoned with yoga philosophy, these three little syllables become so much more.

The word “namaste” symbolizes the connection of different individuals through the fabric of the universe. It reminds us that, although we are different humans, we are all one at the same time.

Let’s begin with a teensy bit of yoga philosophy…

While most people believe they are familiar with “yoga” they are really only familiar with one aspect or “limb” of the yogic path: the physical practice of asana (you know, the poses like upward and downward facing dogs, the sun salutations and happy babies, etc.). There are seven other “limbs” of yoga that make up the entire philosophy and cover a variety of topics such as how we treat ourselves, how we treat others, meditation, and breathing to name a few. If you’d like more information in the 8 limbs of yoga, try this.

In a broader sense, the word yoga means to yoke. What are we “yoking”? In one sense, the body and the mind. In another sense, we are connecting ourselves to the world at large.

Yoga is a form of exercise, but it’s not just fitness and fat burning. It has spiritual roots, but it is not a religion. It is a philosophy, through which regular practice builds awareness, focus, and confidence, in addition to physical strength, balance, and coordination. Yoga requires equivocal and simultaneous effort from the mind and body, and is quite unlike other physical activities for this reason.

It is an individual activity, but yoga is popular in a group setting, such as a yoga class. Even though practitioners are learning and progressing at their own rates, there is a shared energy among the students in the group. We are all in different places, but we are thinking, moving, and breathing as one being. It’s amazingly powerful.

There is usually a teacher in the room leading class, but that individual is much more of an adventure guide, as we can only teach ourselves. That’s right! At the risk of my livelihood as a yoga teacher, I’m telling you that nobody can “teach” you how to do yoga. Instructors make thoughtful suggestions based on our experiences and observations, but it is up to you, as both student and inner teacher to take what you want and leave what you don’t.

So when we say “namaste” it is not just a cute way to end class or a signal students to jump up and leave the room. It is a shout-out to our connectedness. It helps us tie the physical yoga practice to the other limbs of the philosophy. When our mind and body work in harmony, we realize our truest self. It reminds us that teacher and student are equals. It encourages us to use our practice to prepare us for what happens in life; working through challenges, staying focused despite obstacles, returning to our breath and intention…it is so much more than a workout.

The exchange of “namaste” between teacher and student encourages us to pay forward the goodness we create through our practice, to feel grateful for our gifts, and to keep the yoga in our lives even after we roll up our mat.

I recognize the light, the goodness, and the power within you, because it is also within me. I bow to you, as you to me. Although we are different,we are connected, we are one.

– E

taking care

OMG…STAHP!

April 5, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

Have you ever heard something so ridiculous that the only appropriate response is an eyeroll? I’m on the older end of the millennial spectrum, and while I try to distance myself from it, there is one turn of phrase I find myself using quite a lot these days…

The reply, often accompanied with an eyeroll, that is delivered when you can’t even. When someone has literally just told you something so outlandish that you can’t conceive of it.You’d rather them stop talking than go on another minute.

If there is one thing that makes me feel this way, it is an excuse. You know how they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions? I disagree. It’s paved with shitty excuses. Maybe I just have some sort of aura that makes people feel like they have to explain themselves? I don’t know, but it seems that I am on the receiving end of a lot of them.

I get it though…When we are very little most of us learn to “ask politely to be excused”; we go off to school and work and we get “excused” absences; we ask people to “excuse us” if we inconvenience them for any number of things, from cutting them off in line, to asking them to repeat themselves.

So, what is an excuse, really? Why is it provided? Whom does it benefit? At its core, an excuse is something offered to make someone feel a little less bad about something. You could say excuses are derived from guilt. Guilt is a powerful and compelling emotion and excuses are there to ease that guilt. Something less than favorable happened and an excuse is developed to soften the blow of disappointment. Most of the time, the party receiving the excuse knows it’s a load of malarkey, yet we tolerate them anyway; like a good enough excuse will glaze over any negative feelings.

Sadly, it does not work this way. Often the excuse is for the benefit of its creator more so than for the receiver. We feel better about screwing up when we can explain it. The truth is that we can only control our own behavior and excuses lead us down a slippery slope.

No one is perfect, but we should take pause before we start compiling flimsy reasons why we could not or did not do something. First of all, consider if the person you’re formulating the excuse for is even worth it. Most of the time, people are too preoccupied with their own lives to care why you didn’t blah blah blah. (Take it from me, as a yoga teacher, I PROMISE I am not judging you for not coming to class in a month. I’m just happy to see you today.)

Excuses can be damning, too, by drawing unwanted attention to something that may otherwise go unnoticed. I was late for a big, off-site, sales meeting a couple years ago. Like of the 50 people there, I was the last person in the door and sitting down as the CEO of our company was giving his introduction. I was mortified, but decided to apologize to him when we broke for lunch. I told him I had difficulty finding parking and that I didn’t mean to walk in late. He said to me, “Gosh, I didn’t know you were late until just now!” Whoops. Open mouth, insert foot.

In some situations, an excuse may suffice, but an apology is often so much better. We are all human and the truth is that sometimes we stink! We drop the ball and we make mistakes. Did you cause someone else a hard time? If so, they probably don’t care why it happened, or who’s fault it was, or whether or not you meant to do it. They likely just want you to acknowledge the incident. Excuses are not time machines. They can not take away disappointment, in fact they can actually make things worse. A sincere apology can help us relate much better than an excuse ever will.

In light of that, next time you find yourself grasping at excuses, OMG STAHP. Take a second to ask if it’s worth it? Does the excuse receiver really care? Can you simply own your choices and ask for forgiveness? Can you stand in your truth without blaming others? There’s no need to feel guilty because none of us is perfect. It’s okay to be unapologetic and authentic and late and forgetful and over-programmed and tired and make mistakes. We are human!

Let’s give up the excuses and get on with our lives. Let go of the guilt and embrace our authenticity. Go ahead and get real with people. They’ll love you for it 🙂

taking care

5 reasons to #loveYOU

March 21, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

At the beginning of March, I had the privilege of attending Sweet Cheeks All Natural’s “#LoveYOU” kick-off event. This was the first of many Sweet Cheeks events focusing on self-care. The topic of self-care comes up everywhere these days…Maybe that’s because most of us don’t do it enough, if we do it at all. Taking care is something we value at The 91 Rewind. We believe that everyone can share a little more of the T.L.C. we dole out to others with ourselves as well.

Not too long ago, Erica and I were having a conversation about what self-care means for each of us. As you may expect from two best friends of nearly 27 years , we have similar ways of caring for ourselves, BUT there are still some differences to note. We both love yoga, but our connection to the practice happened at different times. I began practicing yoga a little over ten years ago at Yoga Source. Erica didn’t step onto the mat until 2011 when a friend conned her into taking a class. I love a great restorative class, where I can focus on my breathing and allow myself to relax through deep stretches. Erica gave restorative a try a few weeks ago and told me she would rather do someone’s calculus homework than to take another restorative class. If I had to describe Erica‘s preferred type of yoga class, it would be one in which she is upside-down as MUCH AS POSSIBLE (FYI-I simply cannot fathom how a person finds relaxation from something like that…).

I mention this not to suggest that one type of yoga practice is better than the other, but to highlight that different methods can yield the same outcome. We both experience a euphoric yet relaxing, warm-fuzzy, post-class feeling, but we take different paths to get there. Caring for ourselves is much the same, in that it depends on individual preferences. Each of us will need something a little different, and only you can truly know what that is.

So, while I cannot tell you exactly HOW you need to care for yourself, I CAN tell you some reasons WHY you should care for yourself; why you have to #LoveYOU. I’ve debated the best way to do this, so I decided to go with a David Letterman-esque “Top 10 List.” Unfortunately, ten is far too many reasons to really remember, so I’m going to stick to five. Let’s keep it simple. Now, without further ado, here are the top five reasons to #LoveYOU!

#5 You are beautiful! Society wants to tell us what beauty is and should be, AND how or what we need to make ourselves beautiful. But let me tell you, none of that is true. There is nothing you need to do to make yourself beautiful. Beauty comes from within and extends to our outer being. You are beautiful with or without makeup; with or without the perfect outfit, or expertly styled hair. You are real and flawed and amazingly alive and that is truly beautiful. You are already here, my dear, living and breathing. There is nothing MORE you need to do to make yourself beautiful. Just #LoveYOU, and everyone else will, too.

#4 You are important! Obviously, our needs are important. That’s why we have jobs! So we can provide for ourselves…but how many of us REALLY feel that our needs are the MOST important? How often do we put off going to the doctor because we can’t miss work? How many times do we reschedule appointments because we are just too busy? How often do we want to take time for ourselves but feel too guilty to actually do it? What are we afraid of? If you ask me, it’s the fear that once we finally DO put ourselves at the top of our list, that we will never be able to go back to how things were before. Maybe that’s true, but hey you are important! After all, no one else can authorize our self-care. You deserve to feel important and it’s okay to put YOU first.

#3 Your happiness matters! I find this is hardest for mothers, and women in general, to grasp and embody. Women are natural care-takers and have a habit of prioritizing the needs of others, sometimes at the expense of our own happiness. We make a lifestyle of overextending and begin to feel stressed out and unappreciated. We wonder why no one seems to care about us, yet we behave as if we never need anything. Acknowledging that we deserve happiness and taking time to discover and create our own joy tells others that we DO matter and that our happiness is a priority.

#2 You are enough! The world would like us to believe that we are needy and ill-equipped. There are entire industries that thrive on people’s fear that they are not good enough (we won’t name any names…). Tapping into the human fear of inadequacy is a great sales tactic, but a terrible life philosophy. We question our career choices, believing the right job will suddenly fulfill us. We think we need to buy the right clothes or accessories to help us feel more love. We feel like a bigger house means a better life. We believe that our adventures only count if they get lots of “likes” on social media. We seek affirmation of ourselves from external sources. No one can tell you who you are. You would still be you without an instagram account, without a fancy job, without the latest clutch that you paid a fortune for. You are not perfect, but you are whole. You are complete, you are enough.

#1 (and Most Important) YOU’RE AN ADORABLE BADASS! You are a first-edition, limited-release, ORIGINAL. There has never been, nor will there ever be another YOU. You are the only person you can be. Embrace your originality my friend, because no one has it quite like you.

It may sound backwards, but taking care of ourselves can help us take better care of others. Learning to cherish ourselves; working to #LoveYOU flaws and all, makes us better. It makes us more kind, more compassionate. After all, you can’t convince anyone of anything until you first convince yourself.

There are a truckload more reasons to #LoveYOU and we hope this little countdown may inspire you to some steep on some reasons of your own. We often feel pressure to achieve or obtain. That self-worth is derived from doing things. You are alive and individual, and that’s all that is required.

If you doubt any of these reasons, stand in front of a mirror and repeat as many times as necessary. Some days it’s easier to believe than others, but EVERY DAY you need to #LoveYOU…no matter what!

xoxo,

taking care

doesn’t manage time wisely

March 14, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

I can remember my first report card from elementary school. Many of the remarks on it are still true today, but one in particular, stands out…

Ah yes. It seems I have always had difficulty managing the amount of “things” needing to be done in a given amount of time. As many will tell you, I’m typically 2-5 minutes late to any given event. I really don’t like this about myself, but I have learned to manage this, perhaps, better than the time itself.

Maybe it’s a gross underestimate of time, maybe it is an endless desire to be optimistic in what I accomplish, or maybe it’s just some part of my brain that’s completely missing. I always seem to be running out of time. Does anyone else feel this way?

What’s to be done about it? Not much. In fact, I would say that exactly nothing can be done about the time. The time is going to do what it is going to do. We can’t change it’s cadence, we can’t stop it, and we can’t get any more once we’ve spent it. Like an arrow, time is only traveling forward.

This brings me back to my report card and the idea of time management. If time is constant, then we can’t control it. We have to accept it and work within its confines, right? So, we can’t really manage the time, now can we?

I was listening to a radio show the other day, Geet Bazaar, on WKNC 88.1 (the BEST radio station in Raleigh) and one of the hosts was talking about time management. As an accomplished professor, she is constantly asked for tips about managing time and becoming more productive. She said she would answer everyone’s questions, once and for all: “You cannot manage time. You can only manage yourself…”

It was like I had been thumped in the forehead. The speakers on the radio went on, discussing how we can only control our own behavior, and that we have to make good decisions with our use of time–each analogy more illustrative and resonating than the last. But, that initial statement, so profound and bold. It stays with me today.

Admittedly, it is empowering to know that we are in command of our behavior. We can choose our actions and reactions. We choose how we live our lives, erego, how we spend our time. If you think about it, we can never really know how much time we are going to have…Maybe we should find it a little more precious.

Like my dear friend Crystal said last week, it can’t all be important. Let your heart tell you what is. Let’s be a little more choosey, a little more frugal with our time. After all, we can only spend it once and there is a strict no-return policy.

Namaste,

taking care

slow down…it’s not all important

March 9, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

We have so many things vying for attention and it causes us to think that everything is important. BUT if everything is important, than nothing is really important.

We need to SLOW down and discern what truly matters to us. It’s not all important.

How are you spending your time each day, weekend, workweek, and month? I hope we will all take time to slow down and assess this for ourselves and then make room for what matters.

This weekend I’m spending some time with family, friends, AND having some ME time. I mostly looking forward to me time, because I really need it this week.

Have a beautiful weekend!

Two gifts for you…phone wallpaper to help you remember to slow down.

taking care

Progress

March 2, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

Progress. It’s a fickle thing. It can take years of momentum to accomplish just a kernel. It can also seem like it happened overnight. Sometimes things are moving along just fine, and suddenly they grind to a halt. Progress can be measured/noticed/recognized in many ways, but I’m convinced you have to look to find it. You have to check in with yourself a bit to process what has happened and decide what to do next.

After some underwhelming race finishes a couple years ago, I found myself asking that very question-“what now?” I had completed my fall running events, but didn’t achieve the personal records I had envisioned. I was pretty bummed out. I trained harder than ever before-I even tried a new training plan with wan additional day of running! I had the time in my schedule to add the extra day, and I was sure it would increase my speed.

A friend of mine, who is a registered dietitian and power lifting coach and marathoner, explained that I had probably under-performed at my events because I was over training and to continue would likely wind up with me getting injured. How could that be? I know people who run twice as much I do on a weekly basis! What she said next really threw me for a loop; “training for any event is deeply individualized, and it’s likely you were just not physically ready for the mileage increase in that particular plan.”

I completed the training, but when race day came I was broken down instead of refreshed. She told me quite simply that if I wanted to run more, I was going to have to focus my efforts, eliminate some other workouts, and be willing to build mileage slowly over time.

Have I mentioned how impatient I am? The idea of doing anything slowly over time just seems like drudgery. However disappointing this news was, I had to face the facts. My method had not yielded the results I wanted. I was more focused on the outcome than I was on the path to achieve it. I wanted to break my record from the previous year and was willing to try anything to make it happen. I got caught up.

Flashback to my fifth grade teacher and her famous saying:

I hadn’t failed to plan, my plan had failed. Was I a failure? Surely not. I was disappointed, but I was also motivated to find a better plan.

Failing to plan is not limited to the absence of a plan. It can also mean following the wrong plan, or having too small a plan for the scope, or over planning. I don’t really like this saying now that I think about it. There are a million ways to fail with or without a plan, but most of the time you don’t really know until the end.

We cannot avoid trying something because we don’t have a perfect plan. We should plan to fail, in fact. When something doesn’t work, we can learn from it and make better choices the next time. Even a failure can lead to doing better in the future.

I want to go back to my fifth grade teacher and tell her to stop giving the kids anxiety. Failure is not a bad thing! Failing as fast as possible can be viewed as a path to breakthrough success. We should change the saying to something a bit more inspiring:

It gets me thinking about how many times I have tried something new and felt disappointed. Maybe that wasn’t a result of not working hard enough, maybe the let down was inevitable because of a flaw in the plan. Disappointment, like failure, is not a bad thing necessarily. The fact that one has an opinion, good or bad, on the outcome of an event shows an investment. (If we don’t care at all about something it’s easy to let it go.) Disappointment can drive us to make huge leaps forward.

After we experience a setback in life we are faced with two choices – we can give up, or we can regroup and try again. While giving up is an option, in my opinion it isn’t the best one. If you give up every time you hit a wall, you’ll just be left with a long list of limitations.

If you want to learn something, if you want to experience progress, you have to be willing to screw up a little. You have to go for it despite not knowing exactly how or what to do and possibly fail. We will never be able to know in advance if the plan will work. We’ve got to be willing to try it anyway.

If it doesn’t work out, at least you know that it doesn’t work out. You have knowledge and experience, and THAT my friends, is progress!

taking care

why we should celebrate our strengths

February 23, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

I find that it is incredibly easy for us to focus on what we are missing, our shortcomings and the challenges that face us. What if we turn things around and celebrate our strengths? What if we delight in the goodness we bring to the world around us?

The quote above is quite popular and often attributed to Albert Einstein, but they are not his words. Some may write this quote off because it’s not from a brilliant mind, BUT we can still learn a lot from this message.

Do you beat yourself up for not being able to hold that yoga pose as long as the person in front you? Or because you went out to eat again rather than making some beautiful home cooked meal like your friend on instagram? Maybe because your home improvement project turned out mediocre rather than pinterest perfect?

It’s easy to criticize ourselves. But, before you do, consider these facts: You have no idea how long that magical yoga person has been practicing. You can not guarantee that foodie pic on Instagram was prepared by the hands that posted it. Lastly, so what if your project was less than fabulous? You are learning various DIY techniques that may help with the next one.

We cannot compare ourselves to others and expect to feel good inside. I’ll say it again. WE CANNOT COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHERS AND EXPECT TO FEEL GOOD INSIDE!

What CAN we do? Celebrate what we are good at, what we enjoy doing. We can be proud of our hard work, our desire to learn, and the effort we effort we devote to getting better and stronger. We can remember that each of us is special. Each of us has a hidden talent. Each of us has something that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Next time you are amazed by someone else’s magic, consider that another person you may not even know is captivated and inspired by YOU. (Trust me, there are people who would love to have some of the abilities you have!)

If we let our self-worth be defined by all that we cannot do, we surround ourselves with doubt and negativity. Where does that leave us? Stuck and afraid to try new things. Fish were not meant to climb trees just as birds were not meant to drive cars. To evaluate our worth based on our deficiencies is like throwing out an entire pizza because it’s not chicken teriyaki. (I’m not advocating the discarding of perfectly good pizzas BTW.)

We do not need to DO everything. We cannot BE everything to everyone. We only need to be ourselves. We are good. We are worthy just as we are. We are perfectly imperfect and that’s the best damn thing!

just for fun, taking care

valentine shmalentine

February 14, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

I have to admit that I’m not much of a romantic. I refuse to watch The Notebook and try my best to avoid any books, movies, and shows of that particular genre. I do not consider myself to be cold and unfeeling, but I simply do not believe it is healthy to indulge the notions proffered by these stories. In my experience, love is unpredictable, painful, and complicated, with romantic love being the most wild variety. AND if we choose to measure the “love” in our lives by romantic heteronormative relationships, we stand to miss out on a LOT in life—a lot of LOVE that is.

I am strongly opposed to the way we celebrate St. Valentine’s Day. It irritates me to no end that couples fight over this arbitrary milestone. It troubles me that people are made to feel “less than” because they don’t have a special someone. I have a hard time believing that the only people who deserve happiness and love are those “in a relationship” on social media. It seems like the unwavering mission of Valentine’s Day is to remind those of us lacking romance that life just isn’t as good. Like we are alone and broken.

The true origins of this holiday are widely debated, but without a doubt they have NOTHING to do with romance or love for that matter. Let’s not forget that this “holiday” was rebranded in the early 20th century to do little more than stimulate the economy.

I wasn’t always so bitter and jaded. There was a time when the fleeting nonsense of Valentine’s Day didn’t make me bristle up with tension.

Flashback to elementary school…as a young child, I LOVED Valentine’s Day for two reasons: first, because my mom and I would make Valentine’s for my class and there was always extra candy, and second because it was the only day where it was acceptable to wear pink and red together. Plus, even in the early 1990s, teachers mandated a progressive equivocal approach to this holiday. The rule for exchanging Valentine’s in class was that you had to have one for everyone. You would come to school with treats to share and end up with just as many to take home. The world seemed fair and just, and quite delicious. These were simpler times.

Flash forward to my mid-late twenties…I finally had a steady Valentine, but some ideological differences kept us from celebrating this or any other holiday. His family wasn’t into gift-giving or celebrations, so it was no surprise he too, saw them as a waste of time and money. Things I took for granted, like birthday parties and summer vacations; things I thought everyone just sort of did, were foreign to my partner. Like many things in our relationship, he and I just were not on the same page here. I tried a couple of times to make it special without spending money, but he would only get upset. Valentine’s Day, and all the other holidays, became a dreadful reminder that a gifting is a two-way street. It isn’t enough to give a gift, it has to be received, in order to be truly meaningful.

Ironically, our five-year relationship ended, due to irreconcilable differences, a few days before Valentine’s Day in 2013. It was messy untangling our lives, and I moved in with my parents to get back on my feet. The morning of Valentine’s day came and I was still a bit raw from the death of my relationship as I headed to work. I did not realize what day it was as I sat in the daily production meeting, absently staring out the window.

I noticed a car pull up in front of the building—well I heard it before I saw it. To my horrified astonishment, it was a car I recognized. My ex appeared and proceeded to decorate my tiny Fiat 500 with bows and hearts, flowers and candy, a stuffed animal. It was as if he purchased the entire Valentine’s Day crap section at Walgreens. The commotion garnered the attention of others in the meeting, and we sat together and watched as this desperate man made a last ditch effort to save our relationship on Valentine’s Day.

I was beyond mortified, but more than that, I was damn mad. In the years we were together, this dude could not even produce a Valentine’s Day haiku. Now after a pretty volatile break-up, he thinks $40 worth of themed garbage is going to make everything right? No. Just, NO! How dare this guy come to my office and make a spectacle of me? I couldn’t believe it.

After he drove away, I marched out there, collected all the stuff, and walked it right to the garbage. And of course, I had to entertain questions from my coworkers for the rest of the week about what happened and how I felt about it. To make matters worse, most of them thought I was frigid for rejecting what they perceived to be a sweet gesture. Appearances can be deceiving, am I right?

After hearing about my theatrical day at work, my wonderful parents did all they could to salvage things. Mom and Dad got me a sweet Valentine’s Day card and ingredients to make home-made pizzas after work. We celebrated the “day of love” as a family and had such a super fun time that I forgot all about my embarrassing morning.

Every year since then and probably each year from now on, they are my sweet Valentines. It’s accurate, I mean, they are the people I love the most, and in my eyes, the people most deserving of my appreciation and affection.

There are as many different types of love as there are reasons to celebrate it. We love our families and friends. We love our ZUMBA instructor and our favorite hoodie. We love the way that one guy at Chipotle is a little heavy handed with the guac. All of these instances foster good feelings within us. They make us feel a little special and help us treat others with more kindness.

Devoting an entire holiday to focus on one specific kind of love seems a bit exclusive. Truthfully, it wasn’t until I didn’t have a “valentine” anymore that I began to appreciate all the different ways I experience love in my life. Deepening the relationships I hold dear and learning to love MYSELF brings me more joy, warmth and fuzzy feelings than any date I could go on.

Valentine’s Day should be about sharing love! Not just with a particular type of person, but with all the people. Just like elementary school, if you’re not prepared to share with everyone, keep it to yourself.

taking care

this is NOT a drill

January 26, 2018April 14, 2023 Crystal Varner Parker

Columbine, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, may be old news, but the story is all too fresh. There have been three more school shootings this week alone. Sadly, all of these incidents make up a mere fraction of the mass shootings that have occurred in the last 18 years. It seems we still haven’t learned, and things certainly haven’y improved. They say if you don’t study history and learn from it you are destined to repeat it. How many shootings of innocent people will it take before our lesson is learned?

In my professional life, I spend at least three days a week in local schools; to date, I have experienced multiple “lock-down” situations. A few have been drills, but one was not. I was confined to the school gym with one of my student employees for a LONG while. We had no idea why we were on lock-down, but together, we sat and waited, not knowing what was really happening. As nervous as I was inside, I had to stay calm and maintain my composure to keep my student calm. It turned out there was no active shooter at the school, BUT there was an armed suspect who had fled from the local police. I’m thankful the police alerted the school and that the administration acted swiftly to keep everyone safe.

The Friday before the shooting in Las Vegas, I was caught at a school during another lock-down. This time I knew that this was only a drill, so I went about my business at the school as if everything was normal. I left the room where I was working to pick up supplies from another area within the school. On my way, I was stopped by a school administrator who reprimanded me for walking down the hallway rather than staying where I was. At the time, I was so irritated that the drill interfered with the work I was trying to get done. In retrospect, I had taken that drill for granted, I had forgotten what it was like to be in a real lock-down situation. I was annoyed where I should have been grateful for the practice of keeping me out of harm’s way; a “practice” that could potentially save my life.

It seems unbelievable that this is our reality. That churches, schools, concerts, and festivals; places where communities join together, places of revelry and fellowship; have become the backdrop for mass shootings. It does not feel right that my children, husband, family, and friends could be caught in an active-shooter circumstance at any time, on any given day. It is damn frightening to think that these drills COULD, in fact, turn into real-life situations. Something has to change. Or perhaps WE have to CHANGE SOMETHING so these shootings stop happening.

I believe unequivocally that we can make a difference in shaping a safer future. This is not a debate about our second amendment rights, nor is it a dismissal of the numerous responsible gun owners out there. No matter your stance on this issue, we must work TOGETHER to make changes to our gun legislation. It will not be easy, but I am committed to having the tough conversations to pushing us forward. It starts with understanding gained through listening and sharing. I hope you’ll join the dialogue, too.

How many innocent people have to die before we’re willing to have the conversation? To not just speak, but to listen to the other side of the debate…To explore the possibility that things could be better than they are.

Every day there are lives at stake. What will it take for us to change?

taking care

Not Just Women.

January 24, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

We are roughly three weeks into this new year and already seeing headlines, big ones, that all revolve around that tender topic of feminism. Not tender because it’s sweet and cute, but tender like a bruise…visible to the naked eye, yet still dismissed by some as a non-issue, or worse a “wound” we bring upon ourselves.

Last weekend marked the second annual Women’s March that saw PEOPLE, not just women, from across the country coming together in solidarity. We witnessed the talented Halsey’s poignant words, a poem that we all can identify with a little too well. Not long before that, Oprah stressed that “TIME IS UP” during an award speech for which she was the first black female recipient. Before that, we heard about a young woman, a decorated Olympian, who was abused for years and then silenced from sharing her story with the world.

As our heroes of the stage and screen, the courtroom, the boardroom, and even the arena come forward to say #metoo, they offer evidence of an unjust world. More than that, these women, these BRAVE AND INSPIRING women are offering empathy.

We applaud these words, we may like/comment/share, but how does that affect our behavior? How does that gesture of empathy manifest itself in our lives?

When a woman shares her truth, despite its ugliness and controversy, she inspires others to discover their truth. She grows more powerful by saying “this is what happened” and she empowers others, not just women, to stand up for themselves. The fact that she STANDS BEFORE YOU means that she LIVES TO TELL her truth. This is the accomplishment: it is not the content of her story, but the fact she CAN share it with you. Some women have not been so lucky, some women have died trying.

The above “quote of the day” from yesterday has a powerful message, but it begs a question also. If one of our success is ALL of our success, does the pain of one become the pain of all? The answer is a resounding YES. We share directly AND indirectly the collective pain of gender inequality. With this in mind, we must provide support for those who suffer. We have a responsibility to educate those who don’t understand. We have a duty to make examples of ourselves.

If you see something that inspires you, don’t just “like it”, REACH OUT to the author and say THANK YOU FOR SHARING! You might feel a little vulnerable putting yourself out there like that, but it’s a small price to pay when you consider how the author felt about sharing it with you. Empathy takes courage.

During these emotional times, it is important to acknowledge the struggle people, NOT JUST WOMEN, face. Regardless of race or gender, whether old or young; sick or healthy; poor, or wealthy; we are ALL going through something. We deserve a little appreciation for those battles we face and every day . A simple “thank you” message in our inbox may be all the affirmation we need to keep moving forward.

WE the PEOPLE must take our power back. NOT JUST WOMEN, everyone. We must collectively choose NOT to support systems/institutions/individuals that do not support gender equality. We must NOT TOLERATE disparaging rhetoric that widens the gap of inequality. We must recognize that feminism is NOT about women being better, it is about PEOPLE BEING EQUAL! Everyone can be a feminist…and should be for that matter.

We can rewrite the rules of this patriarchal society, but it is a task for EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US, not just women. It’s not a vote, a march, or a t-shirt. It’s not doing the right thing because people are watching. It’s not just applauding the good things, but speaking out against the bad things. It is consistent effort applied every minute of every day. It will not be easy, and there will be ups and downs along the way, but isn’t it worth it?