pause + rewind + try again

we’re baaaaack!

May 13, 2020 Crystal Varner Parker

Have you ever had a period of time where it felt like you’re always stuck in second gear? You know, when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year? (If you just sang that to the tune of the Friend’s theme, I’m proud of you.) We have definitely felt that way at many points from November 2019 through April 2020. Both Erica and I had large projects at work, side jobs and volunteer work, not to mention making time for our significant others, family, and friends. Just when we were coming up to catch our breath and get back to blogging again, then a global pandemic hit. Now that we’ve caught our breath AGAIN, we’re baaaaack!

We thought it was time to introduce ourselves again…

We are two best friends (Crystal and Erica) that have known each other since the summer of 1991 (might notice 91 in the name), that hope to encourage you to press pause, hit REWIND, and try again. Pausing, rewinding, and trying again can look different depending on the day, the week, month, or maybe even year (sorryish, I couldn’t resist). We like to talk about self-care, our local communities (Raleigh, North Carolina, and Richmond, Virginia), things happening in our world that speak to our hearts, and living green.

We might not be experts, but we have heart…

We are by no means experts on the previously mentioned topics, but they are things that mean a lot to us. We both have a tendency to go hard, overschedule ourselves, and forget to slow down for self-care. We both know and firmly believe that it’s a crucial thing for our lives and mental health. We hope to share content that encourages you to make yourself a priority, while we continually work to do the same. When we’re not writing about wellness and self-care, you’ll catch us worrying, texting each other, and fretting about the world around us. The two of us feel things deeply when our world is hurting, and sometimes sharing what’s on our hearts helps to spur us to action or get others thinking about it. We might not write about every problem in the world, but on occasion, we hope you’ll pause and think deeper about how we can make the world a better place together. Sometimes it’s as simple as bringing your own grocery bag, water bottle, or cup, and sometimes it means writing letters, serving on a committee, or speaking out.

Keeping it local

Why write about Richmond, Virginia and Raleigh, North Carolina? We have a special spot for Richmond, Virginia because that is where we met. It was on its suburban streets where we rode our bikes, played pretend, and shared our dreams with each other. Then it was on its urban streets that we ate and drank our way around to our gastronomic delight. We also both love where we currently live (Crystal in Richmond, Erica in Raleigh), and hope you will too. Whether you live in these cities or pass through, we hope you’ll pause in them to enjoy some of the goodness we love.

It’s never too late to try again…

In thinking about the things that matter to us, we want you to know that it’s never too late to start over. We all start off with the best of intentions, but sometimes things just don’t go as planned. In those moments, we encourage you to press pause (especially on the negative self-talk), hit rewind (to reflect on moving forward), and try again.

As we move forward in 2020 (and beyond), let’s be kind, and push one another onward and upward.

Xoxo,

pause + rewind + try again

You are enough

July 11, 2019October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

I am of the belief that we are in need of a retraining of our internal monologue. I’ve talked about this before, but it’s a recurring issue. I have lost count of the number of times I have heard others beating themselves up and putting themselves down over something in their lives. The internal negativity can begin to spiral out of control. Rather than stopping it to say what they are doing right, the negativity begins to take deep root.
I am here to tell you today, that you are enough.

How do we retrain our internal monologue?

I liken this to assimilating to a new culture. We are surrounded by images, videos, and various reminders that who we are is not enough. We need more to make us whole. We need to buy more to make us better. We need to be more for others to like/need/want us. We need more, more, more. But I have something else to tell you…

it’s all a lie.

We are enough There are is nothing we need to buy to complete us. We don’t need to do something else to be liked/needed/wanted. We don’t need anything else, because..

Who we are is enough.

Who we are has always been enough.

Who we are will always be enough.

We need to silence the negative voice inside and outside trying to tell us otherwise.

We have a choice…

We can choose whether or not we want to listen.

We can choose to internalize the negativity, or we can reject it.

Let’s commit to doing one thing today to make this better.

Let’s stop what we are doing, and say this together, “I am enough.” Repeat this as many times as you need. If this isn’t doing the trick, you can try another tactic. Find a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say to yourself, “you are enough.” You can repeat this process over and over until you believe it. This may need to be done over the course of many days and weeks, but there’s good news…

You are not alone in this.

There is a whole community over here at The91Rewind to support you in flipping the script. Together we can press pause on the negative self talk, hit rewind, and try again. Added bonus, if you’re really struggling with this, you can reach out to myself and Erica. We want to support you on this journey of self-care and being kind to yourself. You can send us a message through our contact link, Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. We will gladly encourage you and send you something to help you. We are so committed to this, that we will even send you some old fashioned snail mail encouragement if you’d like it. All you have to do is let us know in the message you send us.

How powerful will we all feel when we reject what the negativity wants us to believe and rise above it?!

xoxo,
C

pause + rewind + try again

The Two voices

August 13, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

If you’re a kid of the looney tunes era, you’re keenly familiar with the imagery of the angel and devil sitting on your opposing shoulders. BUT in real life, it never turns out quite that way. In reality, there are two voices crying out for our attention. These two voices have their own opinions of what we say, do, wear, and even sound like. Frankly speaking, of the two voices, one is an asshole and one is your biggest cheerleader.

Which voice do you listen to throughout the day?

Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who can shut the asshole up, but most of us aren’t so lucky. We spend our days looking in the mirror repeating horrendous things to ourselves…

You look awful.
You’re too fat for that outfit.
Do you even know what you’re doing?
You should go to the gym.
You can’t do this/that/the other, so someone else should do it.
Do you even know how to put on makeup?
Maybe you should get a haircut…

If we begin our days listening to these awful things, it only gets better from there. You get to work and the nastiness continues to grow.

You second guess yourself on everything.
You feel like you’re suffering from imposter syndrome.
You dread meetings with your boss because you’ll be told all that you’ve done wrong.
You think you personally don’t make a difference.
You reduce your qualifications to imperfections.

This negative internal monologue feels awful. What if we decided to flip the script?

Perhaps we could press pause when the asshole began to speak? What if we decided to hit rewind and try again? What if we were our own biggest cheerleader?

I think our days would begin so great…

You look stunning!
You’ve been working hard on that hot bod!
You’re great at what you do
You are one great catch!
You’re the best person for this assignment
You are so talented

If we began our days saying such wonderful things, imagine how great the rest of our day would go? You could walk into that important meeting at work and rock that project proposal with confidence Perhaps you would ace that exam you’ve studied so hard for knowing you were prepared for success. Better yet, you would spend your day knowing that your company/school/team is lucky to have you.

So how do we get to the point of listening to the cheerleader inside of instead of the asshole?

We pause when we recognize that, at some point in our day or our lives, the negative voice began winning over the positive.
We rewind to before the when the negativity began to rear its ugly head.
We try again by reframing our negative thoughts. That doubting Thomas doesn’t have to be the voice that speaks the loudest and longest.

This battle between the two voices is something most of us have to work through…

and it’s a process even for me. As a little girl, I loved to write and draw and dreamed of publishing my own books. At some point, that dream became a far-off memory. I’m not sure what changed, but I think it had something to do with that inner asshat. Somehow, it convinced me I wasn’t that great at drawing, and that my writing was mediocre at best. Where was my inner cheerleader? Why did I ignore her? I’m honestly not sure, but I do know that like the positive person inside so much more. She helps me believe I’m capable of great things and pushes me to keep growing.

Have you silenced the cheerleader in you?

Maybe you have and you didn’t realize it. And guess what? You are not alone in this struggle to be kind to yourself. The best way we can all do better is by listening to this kind encouraging voice on the inside. As we work through reframing our negative self-talk, we may need a little help. When we’re having a hard time listening to your own cheerleader, ask someone in your life to help get you back on the right track. Here are on The91Rewind we are passionate about doing this too. If you don’t follow us on Instagram, we’d recommend it because we throw some positive reminders at you all week long. Some days Erica and I both need the reminders too, because we’re still a work in progress.

Ready to silence the asshole and get your cheerleader louder?

xoxo,