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The Bucket of F*ckits

Do you worry about others being mad at you about something you might have done or said? Do you get worked up in your head about things you cannot change? Do you stress about the problem at work that you didn’t cause? If you know me in real life and have conversation with me and answered yes to those questions, then the following words are going to be familiar. If you do not know me IRL, it’s okay. Today I would like to share with you a life philosophy that may help free your mind and open you up to what’s most important.

May I now introduce you to: The Bucket of F*ckits.

Oh My Gosh! You Just Cussed!

I know it, and it felt great. If we’re completely honest with ourselves, some words are the only ones to fully articulate what it is that we’re feeling and thinking. Sure, I could refer to this life philosophy in a non-expletive-using way, but it wouldn’t fully articulate what I need to communicate to you. Heck, there are even studies out there that talk about how cursing is good for us, can help us better articulate our emotions or pain, and it’s a sign of greater intelligence.

So, I’m not going to let judgement over my use of the word f*ck get me down. Instead, I want you to understand the freedom and value of the Bucket of F*ckits.

Have You Ever…?

Have you ever been so frustrated that you wanted to storm out and just yell “f*ck it”?
Yeah? !
Me too.

Have you ever been up to your eyeballs in things to do and needed to prioritize that list?
Yeah? !?!
Me too!!

Have you ever felt like other people’s problem were becoming you own, and you wanted to give it back to them?
Yeah? !?!?!

These three examples are a small sample size of why we NEED a Bucket of F*ckits.

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What Goes in a Bucket of F*ckits?

For starters, the Bucket of F*ckits should be filled with the things that matter most to you. We may have lots of things that we care about, but that  is certainly not every little thing in our life. I will go out on a limb and declare that not everything deserves or should have our complete emotional investment. This does not make you a bad person either. If we are constantly giving from our emotional tank, we will certainly become depleted with nothing left to give.

Secondly, our bucket can only contain things that we are able to control. Some of us (*raises hand*) may like to think that we can be the master of it all, but we are NOT in control of everything. Learning to let go and accept that we aren’t in control is part of the bucket-embracing process, and there is a freedom in it. The contents of our buckets may differ from one day to the next based on what’s going on in our life, and that’s okay. It’s also worth noting, that some days it may feel like there is a slow leak in our bucket, and we must do that the best that we can.

The third thing that belongs in our bucket are things that help us accomplish our goals. We all have different needs, plans, and goals in life. These goals are an ever evolving list that changes based on our successes, resources, and abilities. We can’t focus on everything in life, but we should zero in on that which matters, and our goals have value and importance too. Our goals whether big or small deserve to be in our bucket.

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What Does Not Go in a Bucket of F*ckits?

First and foremost, it is the things we cannot control. As much as we want to be the masters of our lives, we cannot control everything. No matter how hard we try, we are not in control of everything. We cannot make our coworkers or classmates complete their part of a project. We can only control how we react to these situations. We can decide to pick up the pieces that others have left, or say, I’ve done what I can and now it’s your turn.

Next, we must learn to accept that we cannot make others care more about the things that matter to us. Just because something is important to us, doesn’t mean it will be of value and importance to others. This doesn’t diminish the value of these things, nor does it make these people @sshats for not caring. They have different things in their Buckets of F*ckits and that’s okay. Hopefully we can learn to have mutual appreciation, but we have to decide how we will react. We have to learn to let go of their judgement, and then treasure what matters to us because it’s of value to us.

Finally, we have to let go of the judgement of others. Their opinion does not have value unless we allow it to have value. We get to choose whose judgement we internalize, how we react, and if we give it any weight. We also get to choose whether we allow the judgement of others into our buckets. Frankly, you’d better be really important (Erica, husband, children, close family or friends) or myself before your opinions get a spot in my bucket..

Let’s Recap

What belongs in your bucket:

  • The things that matter most to you.

  • The things within your control.

  • The things that will help you accomplish your goals.

What doesn’t belong in your bucket:

  • The things that are not in your control.

  • How others feel about the things that matter most to you.

  • The judgement of others.

Living the Bucket of F*ckits Life

To fully live into the Bucket of F*ckits philosophy we have to ask ourselves, “does this belong in my Bucket of F*ckits?” There should be no equivocation when asking ourselves this question. Our bucket belongs to us and us alone. We should treasure it, care for it, and only place in it what we want. Erica and I have used the following formula as a guide:

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If it’s not a f*ck yeah, then it’s a hell no.If it’s not a f*ck yeah, then it’s a hell no.

If it’s not a f*ck yeah, then it’s a hell no.

I hope you choose wisely what goes into your Bucket of F*ckits, because it can get full quickly. When you’re bucket starts running over, it could very well mean you’ve allowed others to fill it up. (ProTip: it’s not their bucket to fill!)

Take care of your bucket, and feel free to throw sh*t out if it doesn’t belong.



i have a confession

I have a confession…

Spring is here and there are signs of new life everywhere we turn. The trees are more green as their leaves return, flowers are in bloom, and fun outdoor events fill our calendars. In this season of newness, we would like to share something fresh with you: it’s a brand new series called, “I have a confession.”

What are we confessing?

Sometimes we feel pressure to conform or align with what is popular or hide it when we don’t. Occasionally, we attempt to hold on to something we would rather get off our chest. Whether you’re going against the grain, or you just need to sound off about something, it can feel good to get rid of that nagging guilt, shame, or confusion…We are here to invite you to reveal your truths. Silly, serious, large or small, we want to hear them all!

We’ll go first.

I, Erica, have a confession…

At the risk of making myself into a pariah, I have to admit that do not like Chicago-style pizza. Don’t get me wrong, deep-dish, cheesy, carby, goodness is usually up my alley. I tried it, I wanted to love it, but it just fell flat. I don’t blame Chicagoans or their pizza, though. In my heart i realize that this savory dish needs the spice of Italian meats! Try as they might, vegetarian varieties just aren’t as flavorful. There. I said it. And phew, don’t I feel better!

I, Crystal, have a confession…

I am a Christian, and I cuss a little. Well, maybe a lot. Many like to think that those who believe in God are better than that and don’t cuss, but I for one am not that person. I also have more Christian friends than I can count on two hands that cuss too. I won’t out them, because that’s their confession to make. BUT let’s just say, being a Christian doesn’t preclude you from dropping the “f” bomb, yelling “oh shit” when something goes wrong, or a declarative “dammit” of exasperation.

I’ll never forget meeting a friend of my husband’s when we were first dating. This friend had already learned that I was in seminary (or as my husband jokingly called “Jesus School”), and wasn’t phased by it since he had grown up Baptist. We had a great afternoon/evening hanging out as a group, but then we had a moment. At some point in the evening, the friend dropped something and things went a little like this…

Friend: OH SHIT! Oh, no. I’m so sorry.
Me: What are you sorry for?
Friend: I cussed, and you’re in school to be a pastor.
Me: You do know who I’m dating right?
Friend: Of course, I do.
Me: He cusses like a sailor.
Friend: Yeah, but you’re going to be a PASTOR.
Me: Seriously, it’s cool. Shit. Damn. Fuck. Do you feel better now?
Friend: *sighs* YES!

I have plenty of people who are afraid to cuss around me because I believe in Jesus, but I’m pretty sure he cussed too. The Bible had its own editors who told us what they wanted in their stories, but I’m pretty sure Jesus cussed when he overturned the tables in the temple or got frustrated with the dopey disciples in the Gospel of Mark.

Have something you want to share?

If so, drop us a line here. These confessions can help us let go and move forward, leaving the shame and the guilt behind. You took an extra complimentary cookie at Harris Teeter? Tell us about it. You secretly wish your mother-in-law would wax her upper lip? Let us know! You have a smelly cubicle mate? It’s safe to speak freely here.

If you’re willing to share your confessions on the blog, let us know in your submission. Each of us is different in how we want share things, some are more open and others maybe not. You are more than welcome to confess publicly; our blog is a safe space for you to be your authentically amazing and imperfect self. If you would prefer to share anonymously, and we fully respect that. Either is okay with us! Your confession, your choice.

We do have one disclaimer to add. While we fully support the airing of grievances, we have ethical responsibilities to our readership and fellow humans. If your confession involves criminal activity, don’t tell us. Tell the authorities! If you have caused irreparable pain to someone else, this may not be the venue for your confession.

These confessions can be an opportunity to apologize or voice regret for regrettable choices and actions, just not criminal ones.

Thank you for hearing our confession and we cannot wait to hear yours.