self-talk – The91Rewind

If you’re a kid of the looney tunes era, you’re keenly familiar with the imagery of the angel and devil sitting on your opposing shoulders. BUT in real life, it never turns out quite that way. In reality, there are two voices crying out for our attention. These two voices have their own opinions of what we say, do, wear, and even sound like. Frankly speaking, of the two voices, one is an asshole and one is your biggest cheerleader.

Which voice do you listen to throughout the day?

Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who can shut the asshole up, but most of us aren’t so lucky. We spend our days looking in the mirror repeating horrendous things to ourselves…

You look awful.
You’re too fat for that outfit.
Do you even know what you’re doing?
You should go to the gym.
You can’t do this/that/the other, so someone else should do it.
Do you even know how to put on makeup?
Maybe you should get a haircut…

If we begin our days listening to these awful things, it only gets better from there. You get to work and the nastiness continues to grow.

You second guess yourself on everything.
You feel like you’re suffering from imposter syndrome.
You dread meetings with your boss because you’ll be told all that you’ve done wrong.
You think you personally don’t make a difference.
You reduce your qualifications to imperfections.

This negative internal monologue feels awful. What if we decided to flip the script?

Perhaps we could press pause when the asshole began to speak? What if we decided to hit rewind and try again? What if we were our own biggest cheerleader?

I think our days would begin so great…

You look stunning!
You’ve been working hard on that hot bod!
You’re great at what you do
You are one great catch!
You’re the best person for this assignment
You are so talented

If we began our days saying such wonderful things, imagine how great the rest of our day would go? You could walk into that important meeting at work and rock that project proposal with confidence Perhaps you would ace that exam you’ve studied so hard for knowing you were prepared for success. Better yet, you would spend your day knowing that your company/school/team is lucky to have you.

So how do we get to the point of listening to the cheerleader inside of instead of the asshole?

We pause when we recognize that, at some point in our day or our lives, the negative voice began winning over the positive.
We rewind to before the when the negativity began to rear its ugly head.
We try again by reframing our negative thoughts. That doubting Thomas doesn’t have to be the voice that speaks the loudest and longest.

This battle between the two voices is something most of us have to work through…

and it’s a process even for me. As a little girl, I loved to write and draw and dreamed of publishing my own books. At some point, that dream became a far-off memory. I’m not sure what changed, but I think it had something to do with that inner asshat. Somehow, it convinced me I wasn’t that great at drawing, and that my writing was mediocre at best. Where was my inner cheerleader? Why did I ignore her? I’m honestly not sure, but I do know that like the positive person inside so much more. She helps me believe I’m capable of great things and pushes me to keep growing.

Have you silenced the cheerleader in you?

Maybe you have and you didn’t realize it. And guess what? You are not alone in this struggle to be kind to yourself. The best way we can all do better is by listening to this kind encouraging voice on the inside. As we work through reframing our negative self-talk, we may need a little help. When we’re having a hard time listening to your own cheerleader, ask someone in your life to help get you back on the right track. Here are on The91Rewind we are passionate about doing this too. If you don’t follow us on Instagram, we’d recommend it because we throw some positive reminders at you all week long. Some days Erica and I both need the reminders too, because we’re still a work in progress.

Ready to silence the asshole and get your cheerleader louder?

xoxo,

Growing up I felt as if my mother’s hippie ways were a bad thing. The older I’ve become, I’ve realized that it’s most definitely a good thing. She’s pushed me to be the my best self, through positive affirmations, and reminding me to set my intention. As young adult trying to figure myself out, I thought this was a lot of “woo-woo,” but my mom was trying to reshape my internal monologue.

I have spent most of my life being incredibly hard on myself, mainly because I have really high expectations for myself. Anyone who knows or works with me knows that I also have high expectations for everyone else. BUT, if I am completely honest, my expectations for myself are always the highest.

But these has expectations do come at a cost…

The cost is how I speak to myself. You know, the internal monologue that runs throughout the day. Instead of encouraging myself meet my expectation, I spiral into negative self-talk when things don’t go as planned. I’m quick to point out my own shortcomings and berate myself for them. Over time the way we talk to ourselves can become the way we talk to others. Could the lens through which I see myself be the lens through which I view the world?

What if we talked to everyone the way we talked to ourselves…

You failed (I failed)
You are not pretty (I’m not pretty)
You are not skinny enough (I’m not skinny enough)
You are not fit (I am not fit)
You dropped the ball again (I drop the ball again)

Pretty harsh…This list could continue on and on, but I think you get what I mean.

We seriously need to show ourselves some love!

I’ve had a goal this year to speak a little more gently and calmly to my husband and my children. You see, I tend to be a little too direct and firm at times. It is nearly midway through the year and I realize that I am not making progress like I hoped. My friend Christina Tinker had a helpful piece of advice.

This really struck me…Why was I having such a hard time communicating with my loved ones? We want to encourage our children, make them feel loved and safe at all times. I know this, but for some reason I struggle in the moment.

Looking back I see that it starts with my internal monologue. I’m a natural leader and my professional and personal lives require this skill often, but it seems I have a hard time separating myself from that director role. My children and husband are not employees to be directed. They need support and motivation. They need a softer me.

Currently I have a lot of things that I’m juggling…

Keeping my self talk positive will absolutely help me find a more kind and gentle method of communication. But I’m learning that making any progress in softening up means I have to let go of the expectations a little.

Appreciating an effort, even if it does not exactly meet an expectation, encourages more effort. We almost got it right so we are willing to try again. If I apply this philosophy to myself first, if I encourage myself with kindness and gratitude, I will surely see more silver linings. I will learn to idealize and can spread this positive encouragement with the people I love.

Starting today, I’m working on choosing my words.

I’m choosing to speak a little softer, calmer, and kinder to MYSELF.
I’m choosing to share that kindness with everyone else.