Author: @happedancing

the purpose of life is to enjoy every moment! - (random fortune cookie wisdom)
How did you get here

How Did You Get Here: Sarah Goodwin

@happedancing

There is simply no substitute for discipline and good, old-fashioned hard work. I have had the pleasure of watching our next guest author transform over the past 18 months, and wow. It is truly amazing to see someone exemplify what it means to DO THE WORK.  I’ve done a lot of things in life, but I haven’t done anything like what Sarah shares with us today. Without any further ado, I introduce you to my dear friend Sarah Goodwin in a very VERY special “How Did You Get Here” Interview…

Brief Bio – Tell us a bit about yourself?

My name is Sarah Goodwin and for as long as I can remember, I’ve been obese. I remember noticing size difference between me and classmates in Kindergarten, and later asking my thin friends about what they ate, how they restricted their diets, controlled their cravings, how they exercised, etc. when I was in 4th grade.  To say I’ve been acutely aware that I was bigger is an understatement. I felt the bullying, name-calling, shunning,…that’s to be expected from children. I’ve seen evidence that coworkers/former friends/acquaintances have discussed my appearance in a negative way. It never feels good to read those words, especially when it’s someone I felt close to, but it’s illuminating about that person’s true self. There’s a negative stigma around size, and people associate your worth, or lack thereof, based on your appearance. People see an obese person and assume lazy, unhealthy, doesn’t care. What they don’t bother seeing is the person behind that: their likes, dislikes, personality, health issues hindering any effort to get healthier.

How did you get started/here?

We had family photos taken in Fall 2017 when my son was around a year old. I wanted our little family to have some really great photos of all of us while he was still little and learning to walk. When we got the files from our photographer, I was in complete shock. Don’t get me wrong, I adore the big smiles and the excellent quality of the photos. But I was at my highest known weight…is that how I look to everyone else? It certainly wasn’t the person I saw in the mirror every day. It’s a sickening feeling; I’d been morbidly obese for years, but I never saw myself as such. Which is odd. I am generally confident about certain things, but in that moment I had very low confidence and body image. It shook me enough that I decided I didn’t want to look that way and was ready to make changes.


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Tell us about it. Why?

Between those photos and how I appeared in my son’s 1st birthday photos a couple weeks later, I’d had enough. I’d had that feeling before, of being ready to change, to diet or exercise. And most of the time it was short lived. Good faith efforts with no real results. Most of the photos I took with me and my son ended up getting deleted because I hated how I looked. Which is terrible in retrospect, because he’ll never be that small again.

On 12/27/17, my husband introduced me to a Facebook group called Ketogenic Dieters (KD). Years ago, we tried a LCHF (low carb, high fat) version of the diet for a very short period, but this group’s method was different. The KD group follows a nutritional ketogenic diet: LC, but not HF. They’ve developed a really great document that sums up the diet and science behind it, complete with pages of links to reputable studies for specific topics. (We primarily follow the work of Phinney & Volek). This document is a 45 page e-book, and I credit that file with providing the foundation for everything I’ve done in the past year. Later, I joined the Ketogains group, which follows pretty much the same philosophy. Both groups have excellent resources that I’ve been studying.

Most people think of eating large volume of fat when they think “ketogenic.” Which makes sense; the medical ketogenic diet was designed to treat pediatric epileptic patients, and has been extended to treat some people with autism, cancer, etc who benefit from higher amounts of fat intake. The ketogenic diet based on eating certain ratios of macronutrients, so a percentage of your daily calories should come from  protein, fat, and carbs. You may be surprised to learn that it wasn’t designed for weight loss, even though that can be a result.

All you need for ketosis is carb restriction. Put simply, ketosis is a metabolic process where the body burns fat instead of glucose. Period.  There are a couple of things to remember…first, you can hit the ketogenic ratio, but be eating far too many calories in which case you would not realize the benefits. The other thing is nutrients: if your goal is fat loss, why prioritize eating fat? Wouldn’t it make more sense to burn what the body already has stored? The nutrition for my plan involves adequate protein to protect muscle mass to make sure you’re losing fat, not muscle, and mostly fibrous, leafy green veggies and avocado which are low in sugar and high in fiber. When you think about it, it’s what we’d all consider to be healthy: meat + veg. Lots of micronutrients found in those sources.

I started following the macros (grams, not percentages) from Ketogenic Dieters (KD) on 1/1/18 and have lost a little more than half my weight. I’ve had 4 DEXA scans since then, which have shown the weight lost to have been from fat, not muscle, which means I’m eating sufficient protein to protect muscle mass. I decided at some point during 2018 that I wanted to attempt the Tobacco Road Half Marathon in 2019. I’d done the race in 2016 with a time of 3h:58m. My goal for 2019 was to be under 3hrs, which is a huge change, but doable. I started training in the fall and it’s paying off. Every time I complete a long run (6mi, 8mi, 9.5mi, etc), I’m floored that…

1. I was able to complete it.
2. I didn’t die.
3. Finishing that distance made me feel stronger and energized to do even more.

I finished Tobacco Road Half Marathon with a time of 2h:47m, well below my goal. A month prior, I also signed up for the Cary Greenways Half Marathon that would take place 2 weeks after Tobacco Road. I figured I was already in shape to run, so why not. Cary Greenways was much hillier, but I beat my own personal record and finished at 2h:43!! I’m thrilled that this body is capable of so much and is rising to the challenges I’m throwing at it.

Most interesting part?

I’ve gained some confidence, and don’t have the burden of strangers’ glares when I’m out in public any more, but I’ve noticed insecurities that I didn’t have before. By getting rid of the major issues, I’ve uncovered some that were too minor to have taken much mental space before. So I’m working on those. ☺ It’s a great reminder that the grass isn’t always greener and that everyone is working through something. If we approached others with the understanding that, in spite of appearances, they’re also working through a personal struggle, I think the world would be a bit more harmonious.

Most rewarding part?

Obviously, the vanity of losing half my weight in just over a year and being in a smaller body is hugely rewarding. I’m down more than ten pants sizes and have gained confidence in many areas, not just physical appearance. I’ve never bought as many clothes as I have in the past year, but it’s been fun to be able to shop in the “regular” size section. I’m smaller now than I was in grade school both in weight and clothing size. I look and feel different. I catch myself looking in the mirror from time to time trying to accept my new features, that this is real, this is how I look.

But from a health perspective, my body fat percentage has reduced significantly, and is now considered in the “fitness” range. I’m running long distances and challenging this body, my body, to do things it’s never been asked to do before.

There are dozens of non-scale victories (NSV) that I celebrate, because the scale is an asshole and doesn’t tell the whole story! From being able to wear a seatbelt more comfortably, cross my legs, sit in a chair without my hips squeezed in the sides, smaller clothing sizes, share the rocking chair side-by-side with my son, less knee pain when walking, get out of the recliner without pain/effort, walk up stairs easily, squat to look my toddler in the eyes (HUGE NSV).


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What motivates?

At first, it was the movement on the scale. I don’t think I stalled until 5-6 months in, which is incredible. But it’s also now a personal challenge to finish what I’ve started and continue to challenge this body to meet new goals. I’ve not come this far to only come this far. I’ve kept track of my journey and metrics in a datebook. I made a list of NSVs that I hoped to achieve and have almost completed all on that list! The rest will come as I continue my journey.

I should mention that I don’t have an ultimate scale goal. I’ve had milestone weight goals along the way, and goals have been updated as I’ve hit each one. First to see if I could reach my pre-pregnancy weight, then to see if I could get under 200 lbs, then to lose certain percentage of my starting weight. I’m past the 50% lost mark, and have attained a “healthy” body fat%.  I don’t have a firm BF% or weight in mind, but I want to gain muscle mass and definition, which is totally subjective and I won’t know when I’m ready to start maintaining until I get there. This is uncharted territory for me, so I’m going to feel it out and decide what feels and looks the best to me.

Most challenging part?

In all of this, it’s been more apparent that I’d been living with an eating disorder, specifically binge eating. But it went undiagnosed. Doctors always told me to eat less and exercise, but never bothered to find out if there were any medical issues (goes back to the stigma of being fat: doctors frequently discriminate against us). Because I committed to following my macros without cheating, I’d set strict boundaries for myself. To help firm that up was the knowledge that after being in ketosis for several weeks and becoming fat adapted, the choice to jump off the wagon and eat a super carby meal would:

1. Give me considerable GI distress
2. Kick me out of ketosis and derail progress,
3. Be incredibly difficult to get back on track motivation-wise.

It doesn’t work for everyone, but I upped the ante to try and keep myself from binge eating and going off track and it’s been successful. I haven’t binged since starting, in spite of temptation.

Every time I’d cheated in the past, I’d never been able to limit the cheat to just one bite, one meal, one day. It always lent to excuses, and inevitable failure. If I didn’t commit to change, then I wouldn’t change. It was ultimately only hurting me, but would now also negatively impact my son, his eating habits, how he interacted with his mother. A lot more was on the line.

As I’m getting closer to whatever my goal will be, I’m feeling the pressure of “what if.” What happens when I start maintenance? It’s a definite fear that I’ll wind up undoing all of this hard work.

What have you learned? Advice to give?

This year and this process has been full of introspection. I’m grateful that 1/1/18  I had the courage to start on this journey. Grateful that I put in the effort to jump in, learn, and commit 100% to changing the way I eat. Because of that effort of my past self, and her hard work and determination, my current self is reaping the reward.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the KD and Ketogains communities for providing evidence-based info from reputable sources. It’s no pseudo-science from some chiropractor or “You-Tube” star – there’s peer-reviewed studies backing up the methods. That’s important to me.

There are several people that I’ve gotten to know in these groups and have learned from them. I keep screenshots of many of the inspirations shared within the group to reference when I need support:

-It’s a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up

-When you feel like quitting, think about WHY you started

-Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow

-Do something today that your future self will thank you for

-Failure to Plan is Planning to Fail

My advice is to just start. No one is perfect from day one. Strive for progress, not perfection. When you make a mistake, spend some time deconstructing it, make a plan to address the trigger the next time it pops up, and move on. You can’t fix the past, but you can make better decisions going forward.

We are so grateful to have a compassionate and hardworking friend to bravely share her transformation. She reminds us that no one is perfect, but we are all trying. And if we lead with that, we can’t go wrong. If you want to learn more about Sarah’s journey, head over to @operaticsarah on Instagram!


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taking care

Do you need room?

@happedancing

No matter how many times I visit New World Cafe and order my coffee black, whoever is working behind the counter will always ask the same thing…”Do you need room?”

In case you’re not a big coffee or tea drinker, they are talking about leaving room for cream…
Normally, I politely say, ‘No thanks’ and move on about my day, but this past weekend I began to reflect on the idea of leaving room. I am not talking about in my coffee cup (I need as much caffeinated bean water as I can get!), but as it relates to holding space.

You see, I have a hard time holding space in my life.

Just like with my coffee cup, I’m quick to utilize any open space that is available to me. Whether it’s on my calendar, in my house, or in my life I am constantly filling ‘space’ with activities, with people, with obligations, with THINGS. It’s as if I’m enchanted with the idea of fulfillment; like busyness and consumerism somehow indicate my worth. I know that more doesn’t always mean better, yet I have a hard time with unused capacity. It’s like my parents and their parents and their parents’ parents have all said, “Waste not, want not.”

Unused capacity, in the business world at least, is synonymous with waste. If you’re paying rent, but not making money, you’re losing profit…which is bad, right? Of course it is…nobody wants to lose money! But we aren’t talking about money. We are talking about life.

Life is about experiences and opportunities…

it’s a spectrum of actions and reactions that ripple out into the universe. Things happen, and for better or worse, they cause other things to happen. I like to think that it’s all connected in some way, but regardless it is easy to accept that life is a series of situations that happen to and because of the decisions we make.

Sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen, but we can be sure, no matter what, that things will happen in life. And when they happen, we can choose how we react to them. This is important! I have no idea who should be credited the following quote (so if you do, speak up) but it is so relevant right now:


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Have you ever heard someone say they were in the ‘right place at the right time’?

This concept is born from holding space. We can only be in one place at one time. If we choose to pursue one opportunity, it is often at the cost of another. Being in the right place at the right time is when a person is able to create space to embrace an opportunity exactly when they need to. We are not mind-readers which is why serendipity is so significant.

I was recently faced with a difficult decision, one that fed right into my “fill-er-up” tendencies…

I found myself in a complex situation where I realized an opportunity, one I was very passionate about pursuing, was coming to an end. If I am being totally honest, I was not ready for it to end. I was emotional and conflicted. I could stay with it try to hold the pieces together, or I could let it go. My MO is always to stay, to keep the space full and continue working it until my only option is to admit defeat. Just as no one likes to lose money, nobody likes to throw in the towel either.

After fretting about what I would lose and how people would appraise my decision and what I did to set things on a downward trajectory, I had to get a grip on my emotions and remember the truth. Not every relationship and/or situation is meant to be. If I continue holding on to a floundering one, would I possibly miss out on something more fruitful?

I decided to let go of what wasn’t serving me and hold space for something new.

I feel a little brave as I jump into the unknown. I can be grateful for an opportunity that didn’t work out. The fact that it did not work out is just life, it doesn’t mean I am a failure. I still learned something. I still experienced things that I will take with me into the next venture.

The idea of having nothing to fill the empty space is unsettling, but I realize I can see it a different way. Empty space can be very exciting…like a brand new apartment, or an unexpected day off, or interviewing for a brand new job. Not knowing encourages optimism, idealization, and inspiration. We can try new things, reinvent ourselves, learn from our mistakes and begin anew.

Every now and then, we need a clean slate.

We need to take out the garbage, clean the house and prepare for something new. We may not know what that new something will be, but we can leave some room and hope for the best.

Namaste,

E

Living Well, taking care

5 things you will learn at “The Flowdown”…

@happedancing

Some of us love to make plans. We get all excited to put things on the calendar and know exactly what we have on our plates. Others dread this, and feel stress when it comes to commitment and obligation…

Whichever type of person you are, there are a few reasons why you should DEFINITELY sign up for my yoga class next weekend! It’s called “The Flowdown” and it’s happening Saturday, April 27th in Raleigh. Here are five things you will learn if you attend:

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  1. How to breathe from your belly and reduce stress.

  2. How to ACTUALLY engage your core.

  3. How to integrate pelvic and spinal alignment into yoga movement (and everyday life).

  4. How simple modifications can help integrate alignment and core activation in movement.

  5. What “take your flow” really means.

Have you ever taken a flow or vinyasa yoga class and felt a little lost? If you’ve wondered if you were really “doing it”, what the controlled breathing is all about, or if there was another way to move through the poses, this is your class. If you have thought about creating a home practice or simply wanted to spend a little more time in one pose before you move on to the next, this is YOUR opportunity.

The Flowdown is a 75 minute hybrid workshop and class. We slow down the flow so that we can take the time we need to find each shape in our body. We will introduce a few breathing exercises to help us link our movement to our breath, and finally, we will play with alternative shapes and modifications to find our unique flow.

At its simplest, yoga is a practice of learning to breathe through challenges. My goal is to show you that this practice is for everyone, at any level. With a little mindfulness, we have the power to overcome challenges and make it work for us!

If you want to sign up, just send an email to happedancingyogi [at] gmail [dot] com! It’s that simple….If you need more information, check out my instagram post from a few weeks back or email for more details.

In love and light,

E

PS: Another exciting bonus is that our dear co-founder Crystal will be in Raleigh to join me for this fun event! In case you missed it, The 91Rewind blog is a joint effort from my bestie and I. We are so excited to meet you at the event!

namaste y’all!

namaste y’all!

taking care

only good things

@happedancing

It is not enough to imagine things could be better. It is not enough to hope for a day when things could change. We have to drive the change with action. It starts by looking for the best in ourselves, in the people we meet, in humanity. We know there are bad things happening all around, but we must not be discouraged. Let’s challenge ourselves to filter for all that is good.

Only Good Things.

By: Erica LaGarde

Only good things.

To myself, to others,

To strangers and familiars.

I promise to send positive vibes,

To choose words of a kind and gentle nature.

Optimism is my weapon.

I wield it for all.

I will root for you

And for me.

To wish the best for all of us.

I am in your corner,

As you are in mine.

We are kindred humans.

Spreading goodness begins within.

Banish doubt with encouragement.

Reframe negativity with action.

speak, share, project.

ONLY GOOD THINGS.

 

Choosing to focus on Only Good Things is a radical choice. It’s a choice that pushes against the negativity the world wants to highlight. It will challenge you, at times it will feel impossible, but it can be done, Let’s lift up those who do good things by continuing their example. Let us work each day to find only good things to dwell on.

How did you get here

How Did You Get Here: Carolyn Ghezzi

@happedancing

Today we continue our “How Did You Get Here” series with Carolyn Ghezzi. Carolyn got her start at North Carolina’s School of the Arts and is a performing arts legacy unto herself. She is based in Raleigh, North Carolina, but has worked all over the world. She has shared the spotlight with some of the dance world’s biggest icons and performed her original songs in front of thousands at global events. Her career encompasses performing dance and music in addition to coaching, teaching, and producing young artists. She is one of the most interesting women I have had the pleasure of knowing, and she just so happens to be one of my favorite ballet teachers at the North Carolina Dance Institute.

I am so excited to present The 91 Rewind’s first performing artist profile in our How Did You Get Here series.

Carolyn Ghezzi, professional dancer and musician.

Carolyn Ghezzi, professional dancer and musician.

How did you get started in music and dance? You mentioned coming from a musical family, how did that shape your love for music?

From as far back as I can remember I’ve been writing songs and singing. That came first and is part of my family legacy. My father was a well-known guitarist who played with the big bands, and also accompanied Judy Garland when she toured the East Coast. My mother was a jazz and opera singer, and her mother was a renowned opera singer in Wales. Music was all around me all the time. My mom has told me that I was writing entire Broadway shows when I was 5 years old. She created a space for me in the basement and I wrote out all the characters and parts and made up all the songs. Then, when I was finished, I would come upstairs, stand on the coffee table, and perform the show for the family. It makes me laugh even now.

Dance came a bit later when no one in my family could keep up with me. I was a bundle of energy, constantly moving, and my parents were exhausted. I was always running, jumping, dancing, moving, I never stopped. Sometimes doing cartwheels around the house for long periods of time. When I was 8 years old, they enrolled me at the Academy of Dance Arts in Winston-Salem. That was the start of my dance career. By the age of 9 my mother said I looked her in the eye and declared that I was going to be a professional dancer.

I’m very stubborn and I’ve always known how to channel that into helping push myself forward. I was taken into the North Carolina School of the Arts (NCSA) when I was 11 years old by Robert Lindgren, who at the time, was the Dean of the dance program at NCSA. At 15 years old, while I was still in school at the North Carolina School of the Arts, I was already dancing professionally as an apprentice with the North Carolina Dance Theatre.

When did you realize you wanted to be a professional artist? Was it a specific moment or a calling from within?

I think that just happened organically. With dance, you just do the work. You audition and either it happens or it doesn’t. With music, I just kept pushing forward; recording and performing, and it all just came together. I think I’ve always been an artist. It’s never been a choice for me. A few times I tried to do a regular job and ignore the artist in me, and that was a disaster. I’m miserable without my art. Being an artist is not an easy road and is not for everyone. But I feel that IT chose ME and not the other way around

Professional careers in the performing arts are hard to come by. How did this become a reality for you?

I really feel the reason that I’ve been successful in both music and dance is that I always knew instinctively when to rebel and when to be submissive. In the dance world, it’s all about discipline. Doing what you’re told, but making your way to the front of the class and demanding attention. Your style and your movement have to be undeniable. There is so much competition, but you can only really compete with yourself to be successful. As far as my dancing, I was driven every day to push myself harder and harder. I did have a private coach and amazing mentor, Nolan Dingman, from the New York City Ballet. I followed him around the country for several years as he helped me get to a professional level.

In the music world, I think my naivete was actually a good thing. Because I came from a musical family I thought everyone sat around and sang and played instruments all the time. That just seems like the everyday normal stuff to me. When I started recording and performing, I really didn’t stress or think much about it at all because it was just a part of me. Performing was something I’d always done as far back as I can remember.

I got involved with the AIDS Alliance to help raise money and I ended up working with them for 7 years on the World AIDS Day concert. That helped push my band into the national spotlight. I would be commissioned to write the theme song every year, and we would perform in front of as many as 15,000 people. During those years I got a lot of publicity a lot of opportunities and I even had a song that made it up the Billboard charts.

I think you just keep your head down, do the work, and be open to collaborating with other artists; which I always have been. Then, the opportunities present themselves and you just have to know when to grab them.

The radiant and stylish Ms. Carolyn.

The radiant and stylish Ms. Carolyn.

Sometimes the struggle gets real. Tell us about a time when you weren’t sure if you were going to be successful? What did you do?

I had to laugh out loud about that one. Have I ever thought I wouldn’t be successful? How about every minute of every day? Haha. I’m a perfectionist and that’s something I struggle with daily.

For me, success is getting up every day doing what I love, having wonderful family friends, and being passionate about what I do and making a living doing it. I’m doing that very successfully now, and I found a good balance in my life as well. I enjoy everything that I do whether it’s reading biographies, watching documentaries and concerts, checking out new films by directors that I love, or just enjoying being at home and being grateful. I have some very lovely friends, and I enjoy spending time with them when the mood hits me. I’ve always been a loner and I protect and value my alone time.

Walk us through a typical work week? Is there even such a thing? Are you working on different projects simultaneously or do you compartmentalize?

I really don’t have a typical work week but I’m very disciplined and organized with my schedule. On Fridays, I start to look at the following week and see how many private dance classes I can fit in, what research and work I can do for my musicians, how I can balance my own time for my art, and still have time to relax. With the exception of my set classes at NCDI, everything else is constantly changing. I try to get up about the same time each day and make sure that I get some cross training in; whether it’s stretching, weights, biking, walking or giving myself a ballet class. I have my coffee and reading time in the morning, checking email and preparing for my day. I’m much more careful in the last few years about getting enough rest and making sure that I can balance both music and dance without compromising either.

It seems like you manage many different parts of being an artist…How do you stay grounded amidst the chaos?

Staying grounded is actually easy for me. The world can be a harsh place and I don’t really love reality. No artist tolerates reality. The hard part for me is finding my escapes. The amount of exercise I get keeps me grounded along with my family. I know what’s important in life, and I never stop being grateful. I’m of the mindset that you can live your life one of two ways. You can either feel entitled or grateful. I choose to feel grateful. That helps to keep me level and definitely keeps me happy.

I’ve always juggled music and dance…they do go together, of course. Sometimes I spend more energy on dance, sometimes music. In the last five years, however, I’ve split my time pretty evenly. I’ve written dozens of songs, recorded extensively, and performed everywhere from small coffee shops to big venues in front of 15,000 people. I’m totally comfortable in the performer role even though I’m basically an introvert. I’ve been making my living as an artist the majority of my life with some side jobs thrown in. I love being an instructor at the North Carolina Dance Institute, which I consider my home. I do private coaching which I’ve done since I was 17 years old while coming up through the ranks as a professional ballerina and also teach full classes. I run a music promotion company called CJG Innovative where I help independent artists reach their music goals. I’m still very active, writing and recording myself, with five new songs in the last year.

You mentioned loving to collaborate with others. Can you tell us about a really memorable project you worked on?

There are so many amazing projects that I’ve worked on it’s hard to choose one. Some of my most memorable times have been in the recording studio working with recording engineer and producer Jason Richmond. Jason is a young amazing talent who works out of Fidelitorium Studios (among others). I love going into the studio with different musicians, but having Jason produce the tracks. I believe Jason and I make a great team, and the music that’s come out of my projects with him has been some of the best that I’ve done. I no longer second-guess myself anymore when I write songs, and that’s very freeing. Plus, Jason is a genius in the studio and he knows how to capture the moment perfectly.

What advice would you give someone like myself who is looking to convert creative and lucrative hobbies to a full-time gig?

I think if you want to turn something that you love into something that you do for a living, you have to just keep working at it every day. Have your vision in mind and keep networking till you find the place where you belong. It can get very demoralizing and difficult at times, but you can’t give up. Music and dance are two of the hardest careers in the world. They can beat you down if you let them. It takes an incredible amount of inner strength, discipline, and passion to keep moving forward. You have to decide that you’re going to get there one way or another. I’ve done that my whole life, and I won’t kid you it hasn’t always been easy.

I’ve also had many years that were very difficult not just personally, and professionally, but physically and emotionally. But I think underneath it all, I’m an eternal optimist and believe that good things are waiting on the other side of all those difficulties. Anyone can give up, but that’s just too easy. I believe in going to the solution. In the last 10 years of my life, I’ve become very solution-oriented. I always tell my dancers, don’t waste your time and your energy on frustration, find the solution. What your mind believes is what you will accomplish. I believe I can accomplish anything I want if I work like crazy. Don’t give up.

The bottom line is, just keep going.

Thank you Carolyn!!!

We are so glad to share about the fabulous Ms. Carolyn Ghezzi, Raleigh’s performing arts hidden gem. If you’re interested in taking classes with Carolyn, check her out at http://www.ncdanceinstitute.com/index.htm! Come dance with us 🙂

In love and light,

E

Out and About

A Hairy Situation

@happedancing

Today I want to talk about hairy situations. This is not a metaphor, ladies and gents. We are literally talking about body hair. It seems there is quite a spectrum of feelings about our bodily follicles and how we should manage them. Let me start by saying that the choice is yours and yours alone. Nobody gets to tell you how your body or hair should look. Now, if you are in a hairy situation and you want to get out of it, I have some pro tips 🙂

There are a variety of options depending on your budget, the rate of your hair’s growth, hair texture, etc. Each one has differing pros and cons, and finding the one for you can be an arduous task. After an almost lifetime of trial and error, I found my preferred method of hair removal. Her name is Helene and she is the owner of Sweet Pea Waxing Boutique in Raleigh, NC.

Raleigh’s expert Brazilian waxing boutique for men and women!!!! #shoplocalraleigh #raleighwaxing #raleighbrazilianwax #raleighesthetician #raleighblogger #raleighmalegrooming #downtownraleigh #raleighmoms #raleighdads #ncstate #raleighvalentinesdaywax #sweetpeawaxingboutique

Why wax?

If you desire smooth and hair-free parts, this is your best bet. The longevity of results can vary because everyone’s hair is a little different. Generally, whatever you choose to wax will be free of unwanted follicles for a few weeks. That is pretty major. Body hair is out of sight and out of mind for multiple weeks. When was the last time you shaved and didn’t have to worry about it for weeks? (Sometimes, if it’s cold enough, the leg hairs will just start growing right away!)

What’s it Like?

The third time’s the charm…it will be tempting to try to manage your hairy situation in between waxes, but RESIST! You might find you actually enjoy this little liberation from grooming. It will take approximately three visits for you to see your best results. Hair grows in three cycles which means that, at any given time, your hair is at three different lengths. By the time you leave your third appointment, the shortest hairs that were missed the first or second time will be removed, and all your follicles will be on the same page. This is important to remember. I was expecting to be “adult film audition-ready” after my first visit…and was not. By the third visit though, I was ready for my closeup—if you know what I mean 🙂

The other little-known benefit of waxing is that it actually changes your hair’s texture. I’ve been going to see Helene consistently for a little over a year now and my hair is noticeably different. It is less coarse and much softer, which makes it easier to remove with the wax. The whole waxing experience gets better as you go along.

Does it hurt?

Yes, but for like seconds at a time. The wax actually feels great going on. When it comes off, it stings for a moment but then it’s gone. That analogy of ripping a bandaid off is appropriate here, so try to think of it as temporary discomfort for future happiness.

Is it worth it?

In a word, YES! The money I have spent at Helene’s shop has saved me an abundance of time and stress. I can’t say it’s less expensive than shaving. But it isn’t much more. I shaved for years and years. The stubble, the bumps, the razor burn for me were undesirable, but necessary evils. But then it dawned on me. What’s the point of being free of body hair if your skin is irritated and uncomfortable? I definitely prefer my body sans hair, and waxing is the only method of hair removal that gives me the results I want.

Waxing is low maintenance, too, especially if you’re used to shaving a couple times a week. If you buy the serum (and make sure to use it every day) and get a good exfoliator, you’re golden. Smooth sailing for weeks! Things may get hairy in the few days before your appointment, but that hair will be finer and softer and less disruptive to your life.

First day at new location!! All Sweet Pea Waxing appointments are now at 4024 Barrett Drive # 204!!! #raleighwaxing #northhillsraleigh #shoplocalraleigh #raleighbrazilianwax #raleighbrows #raleighfacials #lashliftraleigh #nyeraleigh

Sweet Pea Waxing Boutique just moved!

The new location is off of Six Forks Road South. Helene and her new wax specialist Hannah offer a variety of waxing services for men and women and are welcoming new clients.  With the addition of Hannah to the team, Sweet Pea Waxing Boutique has lots of appointment times. Online booking makes scheduling a breeze! The studio is immaculate, with charming decorations, and the most professional wax specialists in the area. Visit https://sweetpeawaxing.com/ for more information. Or better yet, make an appointment and see for yourself!

Head’s up first-time clients!!!

Mention that you heard about Sweet Pea Waxing Boutique on @The91Rewind for a sweet 20% off any service!

 

Photo by Petr Ganaj on Pexels.com
Living Well

one down, 11 to go!

@happedancing

We are now into the second month of this year. If you’re anything like me, you are shocked at how rapidly January came and went. You may be equally shocked to find that it did not turn out how you expected or planned. Outside of paying bills and other basic human functions, I did not check a single box of my “stuff to do” list. I did not create my ideal routine or lose 10 pounds or start eating clean. I made very little, if any, progress. It’s too late for resolutions, but it’s too early to wait until next year. How do we get ourselves pumped up for the year when we’re only one month down, with eleven to go?

We all have a story in our heads and it can get a little dark when things get topsy turvy. Learning to spin that story into motivation for change is like giving yourself a mental high-five. Read on for some ideas on how to soften the blow of disappointment and affirmations to pick ourselves back up when life knocks us down.


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We start with forgiveness.

We can all cut ourselves some slack, and right now, I know I desperately need it. As tempting as it is to beat myself up for what I didn’t get right, it only serves to make me feel worse. We have a long way to go in this still mostly new year. Let’s try to forgive the mistakes we have made or the things we forgot to prioritize and look to the future.

The story in my head is that this year is off to a bad start and will only get worse.

Positive Affirmation –  I will forgive myself for over programming my time this month and work to define more free time in the future.


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We can reframe.

Reframing or adjusting expectations has been a hot topic in my life lately, both professionally and personally. One of the principles of agile project management is to break up your large objectives into smaller, more digestible, action items. This serves to shift our focus to what we can control right now and away from distractions. Why worry about something that hasn’t happened yet? (This is easier said than done, believe me!) To clarify, reframing or adjusting or reassessing or whatever you want to call it is not giving up. It’s a tool to seek opportunities for improvement. Every failure or f*ckup is a chance to learn. When we apply our lessons learned, we get smarter and work better.

The story in my head is that I’m failing to manage my time effectively.

Affirmation – I may not have met my goal for being at work before 8 am every day, but I notice it takes me a long time to get ready to leave the house in the morning. I should focus on creating a morning routine!


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We can give it another try.

The good news is that we have plenty of 2019 left to restrategize and live our best lives. So what if January was a bit of a doozy. We have eleven more months to keep plugging away and making little changes. The time is going to pass regardless of our attitude, so we may as well try and keep it positive, eh? If we can forgive ourselves, and reframe our expectations, we can find room for self-improvement.

The story in my head is that I should give up on making this year great.

Affirmation – I have learned so much already in this new year about how I manage time. I can focus on small improvements that will add up to make my life easier to manage.

The truth is that failure exposes opportunities.

Failure is not a dirty word. It is defined as “a lack of success”. It is not an abysmal humiliation performed by a dummy. It is not the end of the world. We tried, but it didn’t work. When something doesn’t go as planned, it is very tempting to look at the outcome as bad or a waste of time. But it isn’t those things. It is simply a lack of success, which if you think about it, is a pretty neutral statement. If we fail at something, we can rule out at least one approach that doesn’t get us where we want to be. With a little reflection, we may be able to learn why our effort was a flop and try something new.


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The year is still pretty fresh, you guys. If you feel a little behind or a little lost or a little stuck, you are not alone. I feel all those things and I want you to know that it will be okay. We have the power to pause and forgive ourselves for mistakes. We owe it to ourselves to press rewind and reflect on the outcome of our efforts – for better or worse. And lastly, every day we wake up is a chance to try again. To apply those lessons learned and just keep moving forward.

Loving oneself means being your own cheerleader in good times and bad. Do yourself a solid and spin your story into motivation. We’ve got a lot of 2019 left…remember to cut yourself some slack when the ship hits the sand. Look for ways to wise up and fail forward and this just might be your best year ever.

In love, light, and laughter at ourselves,

E  

Living Well, taking care

Running on Hip-Hop

@happedancing

I love hip-hop music. Ever since I was young, the beats, clever lyrics, and artful storytelling has created a soundtrack for my life. Through the ups and downs, I have always been able to relate to the ongoing struggle conveyed through this genre, and at times, come to depend on it for motivation. My life, my movement, and my spirit are running on hip-hop.

My childhood came with a lot of questions…

I was a multi-racial (read: not white) kid adopted by a white family. Apparently nothing is more curious than this. Musings like: ‘Where did I come from?’ ‘Why do people keep asking why I look different than my parents?’ ‘Why do people care?’ rolled around in my head. I was bombarded with questions from all different directions; from schoolmates to strangers on the street…’Which one of my parents had jungle fever?’ ‘What am I mixed with?’ ‘Who are my real parents?’ ‘Why don’t I act black?’ ‘How come I act so white?’

It seemed everyone had a different expectation for me and felt entitled to unsolicited inquiries about my personal life.

It is vexing. Luckily, my brilliant parents had the wisdom to enlighten me on my situation. They said, “People will recognize quickly that you are different. That you look different and that our family is different…and they will have questions. We are here to help you whenever they arise, but how you answer is up to you.” As a kindergarten student, I didn’t fully understand what they meant, but in time, these words have come to serve me well.

This is not a post about race, it’s a post about motivation through music.

What mom and dad were trying to convey to me is that I define myself. People throw shade at things they don’t understand, but I need not subscribe to the opinions of others. People will tell you aren’t ready or that its impossible, but what do they know? My values, dreams, accomplishments, and behavior determine my character and my path in life.

F*ck the haters. Don’t listen when people say “you can’t”. Do YOU. Don’t let your last name or your neighborhood limit your aspirations. Go make yourself, because you are the only one who can. Don’t let the fear of others stifle your dreams.

So how does this relate to my love for hip-hop music?

There are many recurring themes in hip-hop music; the strongest among them is that adversity is certain in life, BUT that we have the power within us to rise above.

Not every hip-hop song is about struggling through conflict or overcoming negativity, but many of them are. Some hip-hop artists are like field reporters that share up-to-the-minute details about life in various marginalized populations. Other artists relate through comedy, or stories from their past. In its early days, hip-hop music offered a glimpse into a life most Americans knew nothing about.

In addition to keeping it real, I think hip-hop music encourages us to make the very best of our situation.

We can pause where we are, not only to celebrate how far we have come, but also to refocus on our path forward. Hip hop music helps me realize that I am enough. I am a dynamic human, and while I may not be perfect, I have some damn fine qualities. It helps me to remember exactly where I came from and appreciate the effort I have invested in myself to get here, now. Most of all, it motivates me to keep pushing forward.

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Regardless of who’s featured on the track, this message of self-reliance and staying true to yourself despite challenges and doubt can be applied to all areas of life. Whether it’s the soundtrack to your training plan, your party playlist, or your get-pumped-on-the-way-to-work song, everyone has “their jam”. You know, that song or album that makes you feel like you can take on the world. You love it! And I love it for you. Who doesn’t need to remember that they are, indeed, totally Grade-A, shiny, diamond badass?

At the end of the day, hip-hop music resonates with me because I am human and I struggle.

I want to be more resilient; maybe even poke a little fun at the lessons I have learned along my way. I can use a reminder that I’m not alone and it’s going to be alright. And that’s what hip-hop music does for me.

Here are some of my favorite lyrics from Chance the Rapper’s record “All We Got” from the Coloring Book album

Wish I could tell you it’s ready

Tell you it’s ready today

They don’t give nothing away

You gotta fight for your way

And that don’t take nothing away

Cause at the end of the day

Music all we got

Isn’t this all we got?

So we might as well give it all we got

Music all we got

running on hip-hop,

E

taking care

a long way to go

@happedancing

Maybe it’s because Santa is watching, maybe it’s because of all the cookies and alcohol go to our heads, or maybe there really is a surplus of cheer in the air…this time of year is different than the others. It feels different, depending on where you live it may even look different. For some reason, the holidays are viewed as the pinnacle of the winter season, but in reality, they are merely a kickoff party. Winter has just begun and there are almost three months of cold and darkness ahead. The dropping of the ball on New Year’s Eve is a symbolic start, but it’s still winter. And we have a long way to go.

I found myself reflecting on the winter solstice this year.

From a calendar standpoint, this is just a nod to a new season, but for me it is starting to mean a little more. It just so happened that I was teaching a yoga class, on the first day of winter, under an *almost* full moon. I may not have paid any attention to this, but some fellow teachers at the studio where I work were holding a special celebration of the solstice after my class. So, of course I had to be inquisitive and find out more about why the solstice needed celebrating.

The winter solstice is the 21st day of December and is the shortest day of the year. For those of us in the northern hemisphere, it is also the darkest day of the year. This year was kind of special in that there would be a full moon on the day after the solstice. This was an amazing stroke of luck in my opinion.Not only would the days get longer after December 21, but the moon would be full and bright and illuminate the darkness. It was as if the universe was challenging me to see things differently.


There is a tendency to treat winter like a new Christmas toy.

We love it out of the box, we are having so much fun until that shit gets real. Just as a toy would break, or need new batteries, or have pieces fall off, our sentiment about the winter does the same thing. It falls off. We party until the first of January, but soon we want to skip forward to spring break. We dislike the shorter days and having to wear multiple layers of clothing. We lament the money we spent over the holidays. We swear off every bad choice we made in the previous year and vow to redeem ourselves through a torrent of new year’s resolutions.

We want to leave the bad weather and bad habits and fast forward to the fun stuff. We are results oriented and we want to skip to the part where it’s done without having to go through the discomfort of not quite being there yet. Winter is the same way. We don’t enjoy being in it, we just want to be past it.

Sadly, the discomfort, the ickiness, the undesirable state of “going through” something is necessary.

In order to reach a new place, we will have to step away from where we are. We will have to spend a moment in transition. Winter is the same way…Unless someone has invented a time machine, we are going to have muddle through this winter time. Even though it’s dark and cold, and it seems we have such a long way to go.

So how does this relate to the winter solstice?

We’ve talked about choosing to be present before, and we can choose to be present here. In the middle of winter. When it’s dark and cold. Instead of lamenting an entire season, we can illuminate ourselves and lighten things up a bit. We can burn candles in our home. We can make a cup of tea or a pot of soup. We can gather with our loved ones and connect. We can even go outside in the evening and watch the days grow longer, one by one. Maybe, if we take the time, we can appreciate that slow but steady progression of the season.

The thing I’m learning about the winter time is this:

the light isn’t absent or missing, it just comes from the inside instead of the outside. WE have generate it, to charge it, nurture it. WE have to be the light. It sounds cheesy, but the holidays SHOULD be like a kick off party. We should try to keep the spark of kindness and generosity going throughout the season. We have to find it, that bright warmth, within ourselves and learn to shine in the darkness.

I would be remiss NOT to point out that this situation; this progress of inching forward at a glacial pace, is a bit of a microcosm for the world we live in. It seems that everywhere we turn we are raising awareness and building followings and embracing new opportunities, yet at times it feels like we are completely in the dark. There is still racism, sexism, bigotry and ignorance. The are coalitions and hashtags and foundations, but there is still pain. How can this be? How can things be changing all the time and yet, we still have such a long way to go?

It’s because like the seasons, things change gradually.

They don’t just go all at once like a switch. They creep, little by little. And we can creep too, right on into the world we imagine. Slowly but surely, plodding away at a glacial pace. The winter, like a lot of the bullshit in our lives, is happening, whether we like it or not. The best thing we can do is learn to be luminous. To cultivate light and warmth from our insides so that we can shine in the darkness.

Shine on my friends, and be the light!

Namaste,

E


taking care

go with the flow

@happedancing

The last several weeks I haven’t felt like myself. I feel stuck in slow motion. Everything, from getting out of bed in the morning to deciding what I’m going to have for dinner, takes so much energy. I suspect it’s because I’m off my routine, which now that I think about it, I haven’t really had a routine in a couple of months. I like to think of myself as a whimsical and fun person, but the truth is I’m really not. I crave scheduling and checklists. I like to know exactly what I have to do and when I need to do it so I know exactly how much time I have in between. I can plan to be spontaneous, but it is hard for me to go with the flow.

I can set out for a run with no route, I can teach a movement class without a lesson plan, I can even strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, but I cannot just go with the flow. It drives me crazy to have “tentative” plans. I manage a lot of activities/hobbies/jobbies and my perception is that I’m far too busy to just “kick” it. This perception is precisely why I feel so listless after weeks of enjoying myself and earnestly trying to go with the flow.

Since September I’ve been out of town a lot, some for work and some for personal things. I’ve run a few races, I’ve visited with my friends. I’ve really had a lot of fun! I am an adult so that means I am in control of my own programming. I chose to make all these plans for myself and break my routine, so why do I feel so exhausted?

I had the great fortune of taking a yoga class with a dear friend

and gifted yoga instructor Cici recently. It was a “Yin” style class that included mostly passive stretching poses. I’ve never practiced this style before, but I knew it would be different than what I was used to. The objective of poses in a “Yin” sequence is to create sensations in the body; to stimulate relaxation by putting the muscles on a deep stretch.


Cici and Erica co-teaching an outdoor yoga classCici and Erica co-teaching an outdoor yoga class

Cici and Erica co-teaching an outdoor yoga class

What that means for a person like myself, (a compulsive mover who self-medicates with exercise and pot cookies), is that I am encouraged to slow down. To get the full experience of each pose, Cici instructed us to go to 60% of our max and that let our breath carry us the rest of the way. That probably sounds kooky, but it resonated with me. As I entered each pose, I was careful to leave some “room”; by the last few breaths I moved deeper in some of these stretches than ever before.

It was a pretty amazing experience. I didn’t do much other than choose to be present in the moment. I noticed the subtle changes with each breath, took inventory of how I was feeling, and when it felt good, I let myself go a little further. With Cici’s calm energy guiding me, I was totally “getting it”, and feeling so proud of myself for this awareness and intention. And then, she shared a quote with us, “Going with the flow is choosing to yield to life’s changes instead of fighting against them…”   

Suddenly, it hit me: I have been doing a lot of fighting against the ways and whims of the universe.

By trying to have a routine and add in all sorts of other things, I confused “going with the flow” with “being on the go”. I’m finding these are remarkably different philosophies. “Being on the go” means that I’m bogged down with obligations; doing one thing, but already thinking about the next, or worse lamenting something that didn’t go well earlier. When we live like this, we aren’t fully participating in life. We miss the present.


spontaneous handstands during a run in downtown Atlanta, GAspontaneous handstands during a run in downtown Atlanta, GA

spontaneous handstands during a run in downtown Atlanta, GA

Truly going with the flow doesn’t mean you say yes to every single activity.

It does not mean that you plow through life at recklessly high speeds leaving little time for rest or recuperation. Going with the flow means living one day at a time, remembering that today is new and different than yesterday, and appreciating that tomorrow will be new and different all over again. Going with the flow is deciding to take a walk instead of going to the gym because the weather is nice. Going with the flow is seeing an old friend at Target and making plans to get together THAT MINUTE instead of saying you will text them sometime.

If I take a step back, the dissolution of my routine did not result in a universal catastrophe.

I was not careless with my time or dismissive of my responsibilities. In fact, I planned all of this craziness months in advance. I had a sneaking suspicion it would leave me feeling overwhelmed, yet I did it anyway (tips on making better choices to come in a future post…maybe.)

I’m sure this won’t be the last time I over-commit, overextend, and overwhelm myself, but now I have a little more clarity when it happens. I can accept that I can’t have my routine and disrupt it at the same time. I can accept that there are only 24 hours in a day; that once they pass they are gone forever. I can choose to be present, to own my time and how I choose to spend it, WITHOUT FEELING REGRET!

There will be times where the routine falls off, where we must choose between what we *believe* should do and what we want to do.

In those times, we will do well to remember the choice is ours to make how WE SEE FIT. If we only focus on deficiencies, on what we could be doing instead of what we are doing, we miss the present. When we allow ourselves to get excited about what lies before us , even the little stuff, everything changes. After all, being present is a choice.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Bill Keane (or more importantly from Kung Fu Panda 3):

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, which is why they call it the present.”

If you guys have not had a chance to flow with Cici at 110 Yoga, take her class. It’s a real treat!

Namaste,

E


sea animals are experts at going with the flowsea animals are experts at going with the flow

sea animals are experts at going with the flow