taking care – Page 3

Are you an extrovert or an introvert? I think knowing this about ourselves can be incredibly helpful in our relationships. Personally, I am an introvert, so it means that I ofteN need a quiet night in to recharge my batteries. BUT just because I enjoy a quiet night in, alone, and relaxing doesn’t mean I never want to join you. I do in fact enjoy spending time with my friends in a small group, BUT if that group gets too large I may start feeling a little drained. Now if I may speak for a moment on behalf of other introverts, let me say, “Please don’t forget to include me.”

The struggle of feeling left out is something I’ve battled since at least college.

Throughout my college years, I had a very full schedule. I worked full-time. I attended school full-time. I babysat almost EVERY Friday or Saturday. After working and doing so much all day, every day, I had to make time for getting recharged. Unfortunately, taking care of my introvert caused me to feel left out. At the time it hurt that I wasn’t invited out with friends, but as time has passed I honestly believe it was not intentional. I think I didn’t get invited most of the time because people didn’t think I had time. They were probably right, but it still hurt to find out my friends were hanging out without me.

Fast word to graduate school…

I was going to school full-time. This program advised us not to work more than 10 hours a week, but I had bills to pay. So instead of working full-time, I typically worked 20-30 hours a week. On top of everything else I was doing, I got involved with some of our campus committees (community service and fellowship to be exact). I was grateful for these opportunities for connection because they kept me informed of some happenings on campus. Despite my need for time for to get recharged, I was yet again feeling left out. I continue to believe that I didn’t get invited to everything because my friends didn’t think I had time. They were probably right, but I would still have appreciated being included instead of finding out that my friends were hanging out without me (yet AGAIN).

Are you noticing a trend?

I was living a very full life, I was taking the time I needed to recharge as an introvert, AND I was feeling left out. As time passes and I talk with others about these experiences, I’m beginning to think I’m not alone in this feeling of being excluded. I also think my friends noticed I was missing, but eventually they stopped asking, because I never came when I was invited. I also believe I know a way to make this better.

How to get from exclusion to inclusion

It all begins with a little self reflection. We take a moment and admit to ourselves that we are feeling left out, or perhaps we’ve been leaving someone out. Next, we evaluate our situation and see if we have any culpability in the current situation. Did we constantly turned down the invitations to go out and join the group? Did we stop asking someone to join us because they said they couldn’t come? Then we have to take the leap and ask if we’ve tried talking about what was happening? It takes courage to say, “I feel left out.” It also takes courage to say, “I’m sorry for not including you.” No one will know what we are thinking or feeling if we never speak up.

Much of life involves good old conversation.

You know, that thing we’re not always so good at doing. BUT, what’s a good friendship without communication? If you are not willing to talk with your friends about what is going on, maybe there’s a bigger issue at hand. If you do talk it out, I assure you it will be worth the awkwardness and vulnerability. It may involve rethinking the way you spend time together. Perhaps you will decide to have a girl’s night in, with some wine/kombucha/sparkling water, takeout, and binge watching several episodes (or seasons) of Gossip Girl.” Maybe you think that your introverted friend will not enjoy a night out on the town with the friends, but ask them anyway. But most of all you’ll both know you’ve had your feelings heard and will feel included. Good friends never intend to leave their friends out.

xoxo,

taking care

Sometimes You Just Need to Rest

September 13, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

Have you ever had a week where there have been many things going on, but none of it seemed THAT important? You feel busy doing nothing and you’re left wondering where the week has gone. When a week like this occurs, it can make us feel impotent. Even if you don’t feel you deserve it, sometimes you just need to rest.

For me this week has been filled with:

Running around for work.
Running around preparing for Hurricane Florence that is about to pummel the East Coast.
Reshuffling commitments that have been postponed/canceled or delayed because of the impending storm.
Scrambling to get my minivan (yup, I’m so cool!) ready for repairs because the recall part FINALLY arrived. Note: I’ve been waiting over NINE months for this part to arrive. The repair takes the entire day, and you have to remove EVERYTHING from the vehicle. (This wouldn’t be such a big deal, but my minivan is full of ALL THE THINGS needed to cart two kids around…)

running ragged and going nowhere... — running ragged and going nowhere…

Needless to say, the chaos of the week got in the way of my plans for The91Rewind.

The truth is that I am tired. And that it’s okay! I have been busy doing little things that don’t seem all that important but are still critical. Even though it may not feel like I’ve earned a break, I need one.

Things have not been bad and nothing is wrong per say, but they have not been great either. Life is not always sunshine and rainbows, even for this usually positive/optimistic/look-on-the-bright-side gal. With that said, I’m going to relax and recalibrate for next week.

It’s okay to admit when you feel like you’ve hit a wall. Sometimes you just need to rest.

taking care

A Picture of Good Health

August 20, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

So we reposted a powerful image a couple of weeks ago, and judging from the number of likes, it really resonated with a lot of folks. Today, I would like to start a conversation about body positivity. I’d like to share my thoughts and experiences on the topic, beginning with some simple food for thought: What does it mean to be healthy? Can you define it in words? Can you capture it in an image? What is a picture of good health?

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m pretty vain…

I like to feel good about the way I look and work very hard so that I can feel good. I do spend a lot of time worrying about it though. I follow a number of so-called “healthy lifestylists” on Instagram, too. They are outwardly attractive, scantily clad, Mt. Olympus-looking people who’d like for us to believe that they LIVE to work out. They eat nothing but kale and maybe boiled chicken breast. They even take exquisitely choreographed candid photos. Are these people healthy? Who can say? I suppose they look like it.

I also follow a lot of amazing people society would call fat activists, whose accounts brandish hashtags like #breakthestereotype, #fitatanysize, and #everyBODYmatters. These people accept themselves- no, they love themselves despite criticism by the truckloads. They refuse to be defined by other people’s opinions and inspire me to be bolder in defining myself. These people live their truth and embrace their unique experiences without shame. Are these people healthy? Instinctively we are taught that bigger bodies are undesirable, but does that mean that they are unhealthy? I don’t know. How could I possibly know?

When I think about myself, I know exactly how hard I work to counteract all my terrible habits.

I eat a lot of sweets, but I work out a lot. Is that balance? On the one hand, my “numbers” are great – you know – blood pressure, cholesterol, waist circumference, blood glucose, etc. I’m not at risk for anything, so does that mean I’m healthy? You may think the answer is yes, yet every time I step on the scale, my doctor reminds me that I’m overweight and my BMI is high. I have a career, hobbies, and the ability to support myself. But still, I struggle. I struggle with anxiety and depression, substance abuse, body dysmorphia…the list goes on and on. Does that mean I should spend more time in therapy and or more time dieting and exercising? Which is more important? Physical or mental health? How your body looks or how it functions? Again, I don’t really know.

Unfortunately, pictures don’t always show you the whole story.

I drove by a place of business the other day and saw something shocking. I won’t name names, but it’s a kickboxing gym. There was a gigantic sign out front with the studio namesake and the words, “Fight the Fat”. I work in marketing and let me tell you that I love advertising, especially when it’s clever. This, however, was not clever. It was the opposite of body positivity. It was shame mongering and it turned me off.

To me, this Fight the Fat mantra is negative and exclusive. It is not welcoming to a person beginning their fitness journey. It says, “hey fattie, you don’t belong here, we are against you.” I’m quite sure that this business did not intend to lose customers with this slogan, but how could someone feel inspired by this message? It got me thinking about health and wellness. Not just my personal feelings about the topic, but the way health is viewed by society, and the way people are treated in the health and wellness space.

The motivation to improve oneself is not enough to sidestep judgement. It doesn’t matter that a large body goes for a run, or a chronically depressed person goes to therapy, or that an addict seeks counseling or support The mere need for these things illustrates imperfections. Aside from the rampant negativity in that logic, it’s just plain bad business.

Health and wellness is for everyone.

Deciding to change your lifestyle is hard enough. What is the value in further intimidating people by making them feel less than? Fitness is not just for those who have already demonstrated aptitude. It’s not graduate school. It’s living your best life, and we are all worthy of that.

Shame is a powerful tactic in selling health and wellness.

There are products, companies, and entire industries that prey upon our shame. Again, I don’t want to name names, but you can guess what I’m talking about. These entities remind us that our feelings of inadequacy are valid and suggest that solutions to our problems can be bought for a small monthly auto payment. This is simply not true. You cannot capture health in an image. A healthy life is the combined effort of how we take to care of ourselves—inside and out. It’s not just what we eat, or how we exercise. It’s how we talk to ourselves, it’s how we sleep, and the people we associate with. It is so much more than how our body looks.

The same goes for body positivity. You cannot see a person’s life story, their intentions, their dreams, their struggles from a single image. There is no picture of good health. Who are we to judge which bodies are worthy of appreciation? There is nobody and NO BODY that deserves to be shamed. Bodies belong to people and I think we can all agree to support our human race.

Next time you feel compelled to assess another person’s lifestyle, take a look at your own. If we’re honest, we can all find a little room for improvement. With that in mind, lend your encouragement and positivity to EVERY. SINGLE. BODY. We are all on a journey, the depths of which cannot be seen from the outside.

Namaste,

taking care

Believing is Seeing

June 14, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

This past Sunday evening, I found myself a little restless. I spent a delightfully relaxing and fun weekend with friends, and after completing everything on my to-do list, I still had some extra energy. Not sure what to do about the antsy state I was in, I decided to take the dog for a walk. This may not seem like that big of a deal, but walking the dog, at least walking MY dog, is really not an easy task. He is S L O W and doesn’t really understand that the point of the walk is to move in a forward progression. I was quite sure this would be a disaster and you know, believing is seeing.

My dog, Bandit (or El Bandito), is a sweet scruffy terrier mix, who despite his independence, has a lot of challenges. His limbs are really short and he has trouble getting those back legs up and down stairs. He is afraid of storm drains and bicycles. He’s easily spooked by the closing of a car door. The neighbor’s new puppy may as well be the Boogie Man. To Bandit, taking a walk is like being on the front lines of a battle: everything is terrifying and we could perish at any moment.

shout-out to my dog! he is the cutest, sweetest, snuggliest… #nationalpuppyday #bandito #permapup #messyhairdontcare

While he has always been a lowrider, he hasn’t always been afraid of everything.

I have read that anxious dogs usually suffer from a lack of confidence. I have also read that dogs do a really amazing job of reading the energy of their human companions. Was it possible that my concern for Bandit and his anxiety was actually making things worse? I’ve been called a helicopter mom more than a few times…

I can’t imagine it’s fun for my boy to be scared all the time.

I have my own issues with anxiety and depression. I know how awful it is to live with constant nagging fear that something isn’t right and it breaks my heart. So, with all of this rolling around in my head, I decided to take action. First, I made an appointment with our local vet (Six Forks Animal Hospital in Raleigh is THE BEST!), and then I leashed up the pup for a walk around the neighborhood. While I wasn’t sure exactly what I would/should/could do to help Bandit, I knew I wanted to help.

We explored the neighborhood as the sun was setting. We moved at his pace and I let him sniff all the things along the way. We stopped to watch ants carry things, we smelled flowers, we even went potty two different times! We came upon a small clearing to the side of one of the buildings. Bandit and I spotted Smokey (our mischievous rebel cat who insists on walking with us) off in the bushes so we settled down in the grass. We stopped to watch life happen for a while.

Smokey and Bandit played while I just took a breath.

As I let myself relax, I began to notice the twinkling of fireflies. At first, it was just one or two, but the longer we sat, the more I discovered. I remember thinking in recent years that there aren’t as many fireflies these days as there were before, like when I was little. As I sat there Sunday night, I had to believe what my eyes were telling me. There were hundreds of beautiful twinkly bugs right here in front of me. I hadn’t seen them before because I wasn’t really looking. I didn’t believe they were there so I didn’t know how to look.

This got me thinking about El Bandito. He’s been through a lot in his almost eight years…

but he is resilient and sweet and a really good boy. I let myself believe that his issues were beyond help and used it as an excuse not to see a solution. I realized that I was projecting my fear and anxiety that something bad would happen onto Bandit. I was assuming the worst and creating a spiral of negativity that was coming to fruition.

I reflected and we spent almost a half hour in the field of the fireflies…

until one sparked a little too close to Bandit’s nose and he started to take off. I felt so bad that he was startled, but it was also kind of hilarious. 🙂

So, maybe we didn’t solve his anxiety in one walk, but I began to grasp that I have to change my mindset about Bandit. I have to believe that his anxiety can be helped and that he can learn to trust me as his pack leader. We are going to the vet this week to get our yearly vaccines and discuss a training plan. I am excited to re-frame our relationship and work with my boy.

The thing about relationships—any and all relationships, is that the way we think about them becomes our reality.

We can choose to see the best or see the worst. We can choose to be a support system for those who are dear to us, or a shelter. When we shelter our loved ones, we take their power away. We don’t allow them to build confidence in their ability to stand on their own two (or four sometimes) feet.

We can’t keep the people and things we love from feeling pain…

but we can help to comfort them. We can encourage freedom and allow trust and confidence to flourish at the same time. We can show up and be present for a dinner, a phone call, even a dog walk. When we believe in the good, when we believe things can change for the better, it is only then that we can start to see just how amazing they can be.

taking care

Our Internal Monologue

May 23, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

Growing up I felt as if my mother’s hippie ways were a bad thing. The older I’ve become, I’ve realized that it’s most definitely a good thing. She’s pushed me to be the my best self, through positive affirmations, and reminding me to set my intention. As young adult trying to figure myself out, I thought this was a lot of “woo-woo,” but my mom was trying to reshape my internal monologue.

I have spent most of my life being incredibly hard on myself, mainly because I have really high expectations for myself. Anyone who knows or works with me knows that I also have high expectations for everyone else. BUT, if I am completely honest, my expectations for myself are always the highest.

But these has expectations do come at a cost…

The cost is how I speak to myself. You know, the internal monologue that runs throughout the day. Instead of encouraging myself meet my expectation, I spiral into negative self-talk when things don’t go as planned. I’m quick to point out my own shortcomings and berate myself for them. Over time the way we talk to ourselves can become the way we talk to others. Could the lens through which I see myself be the lens through which I view the world?

What if we talked to everyone the way we talked to ourselves…

You failed (I failed)
You are not pretty (I’m not pretty)
You are not skinny enough (I’m not skinny enough)
You are not fit (I am not fit)
You dropped the ball again (I drop the ball again)

Pretty harsh…This list could continue on and on, but I think you get what I mean.

We seriously need to show ourselves some love!

I’ve had a goal this year to speak a little more gently and calmly to my husband and my children. You see, I tend to be a little too direct and firm at times. It is nearly midway through the year and I realize that I am not making progress like I hoped. My friend Christina Tinker had a helpful piece of advice.

This really struck me…Why was I having such a hard time communicating with my loved ones? We want to encourage our children, make them feel loved and safe at all times. I know this, but for some reason I struggle in the moment.

Looking back I see that it starts with my internal monologue. I’m a natural leader and my professional and personal lives require this skill often, but it seems I have a hard time separating myself from that director role. My children and husband are not employees to be directed. They need support and motivation. They need a softer me.

Currently I have a lot of things that I’m juggling…

Keeping my self talk positive will absolutely help me find a more kind and gentle method of communication. But I’m learning that making any progress in softening up means I have to let go of the expectations a little.

Appreciating an effort, even if it does not exactly meet an expectation, encourages more effort. We almost got it right so we are willing to try again. If I apply this philosophy to myself first, if I encourage myself with kindness and gratitude, I will surely see more silver linings. I will learn to idealize and can spread this positive encouragement with the people I love.

Starting today, I’m working on choosing my words.

I’m choosing to speak a little softer, calmer, and kinder to MYSELF.
I’m choosing to share that kindness with everyone else.

xoxo,

taking care

Just keep showing up

May 17, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

The a-MAY-zing run streak is still going, but…

it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been running a few times a week for years now, but this whole running-every-day thing is quite an experience. I’m finding out that this challenge is more mental and less about exercise or burning calories or anything else. Why is it so hard? Well, because there’s only one way to do something every day. And that is to simply do it. To decide, no matter what, to …

There have been a few days were I ran around the neighborhood in the dark. There were days that running one little mile seemed like a marathon. For some reason, every day I complete my goal (to run for at least 10 minutes or 1 mile), I feel a tiny victory. Each little success gets me excited to keep pushing forward.

I absolutely LOVE making lists and checking boxes, y’all. I am BEYOND thrilled to have 16 (at the time of this writing…I know it’s day 17 but I haven’t gone for my run yet today!) little check marks to show for my efforts. I wonder how many more I will rack up as the streak goes on.

This whole experiment has me marinating on what it means to be accountable

and how we define commitment. In so many cases we use these words—accountability and commitment, to illustrate how we interact with and support other people. We want people to be accountable for their actions and honor commitments. Not just talk, follow through. Sincerity and integrity foster trust.

When people do what they say they will do, we can rely on them. When people follow through on a promise, we can have confidence in what they say next time. We feel warm and fuzzy when we can trust people; it is a beautiful thing and helps to deepen our relationships. Conversely, when people are flaky, it makes us feel not so good.

What about our relationship with ourselves?

The way we treat ourselves informs the way we treat other people. We may not like to think of it that way, but it’s a fact. So how do you practice accountability? How do you manage commitments you’ve made to yourself?

Often times we are tempted to blow things off when no one is looking. The more we show up for ourselves, the more confidence we build. By doing what we said we would do, even when no one is watching, we empower ourselves. We learn to trust in our own abilities and our confidence grows.

I couldn’t agree more. First, you have to commit; to decide the thing is worth doing. Second, you must hold yourself accountable. This is where creativity, flexibility, and forgiveness are key because things almost never go as planned. If you can bond these two things; if you can hold yourself accountable to your commitments, results are sure to follow.

When Crystal and I started brainstorming this aMAYzing month we both wanted to try something new and a little out of our comfort zone. I had no idea I would be stepping into such a dramatic transformation. Running every day is teaching me that I am worthy of my OWN investment. It’s helping me to find confidence in myself and my ability to stick to something. The results are over two weeks of checkboxes and for me, that is enough to keep me going. How many will I get? I still don’t know, but I’m going to keep showing up and see what happens.

namaste,

taking care

five minutes may be changing my mind

May 9, 2018April 14, 2023 Crystal Varner Parker

As you read last week, I have a modified goal of trying to follow our old 5 minutes may change your mind challenge. I have routinely struggled with making exercise a priority. I work full-time, I am the mom of a toddler and a four year old, I have a side hustle, and I’m on the go A LOT for work. Can I do this challenge? I’m not sure, but five minutes may be changing my mind…

Day Two:

This day was destined to be a sh*tshow. I had four separate appointments for work, along with an evening event as well. In between the normal workday and the evening event, I needed to pick up my friends daughter from preschool. Afterwards, I needed to pick up my daughters and trade off of kids and vehicles with the Hubs. Turns out he had his work car, which meant there was no room for an extra kiddos…This also meant I wasn’t going to make my evening event. I stayed at dance with all three girls, wearing the toddler on my back in the Ergo carrier. I walked all over the studio, trying to keep all of them entertained while we waited on pictures to happen. Needless to say I did not intentionally exercise, but I’ll count the frantic running everywhere and babywearing as a workout. At least, it felt like one!

Day Three:

I managed to squeeze in a short walk outside in between things at work. Was it much of a walk? No, but it was better than day two.

Day Four:

At 5:33 am I received a text from a friend asking if I wanted to meet up before dinner to squeeze in a walk. She knew about this challenge and wanted to help me stay on track before our dinner with friends. I arrived early for dinner, got the toddler all wrapped on my back, and had the four year old ready to head out with us. Next thing I know everyone starts showing up and beergaritas are getting passed out. I kept the heavy toddler on my back for at least a half hour then, and again for 45 minutes later. I failed to get my walk in, but i’m counting this toddler hauling as my workout.

Day Five:

Today was a FULL day. I had breakfast with my family, met up with some Richmond area moms to dream about Mama Tribe RVA. After that I was off to Bloom, which was hosted by the Richmond Moms Blog. As one of their new contributors and social media manager, I was there the whole time walking around and helping with clean up. For over four hours, I was here, there, and everywhere. All this walking and lifting and clean was absolutely a workout. After it was done, all I wanted was rest and time with my babies.

Day Six:

I don’t know what happened. Church, restless kids, a little housework and an evening meal later…Suddenly, it was 9pm! Day six came and went without a workout, but I found myself missing it. I knew I didn’t get it in and was frustrated. That’s something, right?

It is the final day of week one, and I got a solid twenty minute wal in. This may be my best day of the challenge thus far. I kept both kids in the stroller, which meant I was walking and pushing that almost 60 pounds. I actually looked forward to AND enjoyed my workout today. so I’m calling this a win.

Recap…

So, did I complete my 5 minute workout streak for the first week of May? No, I had one day that was barely passable and another where I didn’t complete my workout at all. Technically this may have been a fail, BUT it was a learning experience. I’ve realized that I enjoy taking time each day to get up and be active, BUT it’s hard to make this a priority. The good news is that I’m going to stick with it and see if I can’t make week 2 a little better. Am I going to beat myself up over how week one went? Hell NO! Am I aiming to do better during week two? HELLS YES! Stay tuned!

taking care

five minutes might change my mind

May 3, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

As you heard on Tuesday, Erica will embark on an aMAYzing challenge this month with a “run streak”; running consecutive days in a row. I think it’s fair to say that we all know that here on the91rewind, Erica is #teamfitlife more than myself. I happen to have a complicated relationship with fitness. I’ve learned over the last few years that exercise calms and centers me, but it’s not something I particularly enjoy doing. Since that’s the case, I broke out an old post (five minutes MAY change your mind) from a couple of years ago in an effort to bring fitness back into my life. At this moment, I have my doubts, but I’m hopeful that five minutes MIGHT change my mind.

blog image - five minutes might change my mind.png

Ever since I was a kid I stayed active doing things…

I would spend as many days as my uncle would allow swimming in his pool. In elementary school I had a brief stint cheerleading, to which Erica was a witness. Not many people are witnesses to those days, and I’m forever grateful. As most Asian kids will attest, I was forced told I would do martial arts. The days in class were spent having fun with my friends, but I don’t know that I would say I always ENJOYED going.

By high school I found the sports that I enjoyed doing…

I discovered the joy of playing lacrosse and field hockey with a team comprised of girls from various Henrico County public schools. In the midst of playing those sports, I discovered that I may have resented my parents making me do martial arts at first, but looking back now, I actually loved it. I’m forever thankful they pushed me to stick with it.

Despite finding sports I liked there was a limit…

I do not like to sweat. Anything that requires a LOT of sweat is not my cup of tea. This is a ory for another day, but I’ll just say that I do NOT like sweating.

Why does any of this matter?

Erica knows all these things about me. She also know that I want to be healthy so I can live a long life with my kids. To do this, fitness is key. She also knows that I don’t like to lose, so a challenge is good for me. Back when we first shared this challenge I was supposed to participate, but I also found out I was pregnant. I battled morning sickness the ENTIRE first trimester. Last year I wanted to try again, but I had a newborn and was just returning to work. Now this little one is nearly 15 months old and I need to get fitness back in my routine. Maybe I’ll do the full workout, maybe not. Most important of all, I’m getting off my butt for AT LEAST 5 minutes everyday.

Making time for myself while balancing my family (husband, 4 year old, and toddler) won’t be easy. BUT, if I don’t make time for myself who will? I’m hoping 5 minutes will change my mind, and get me doing more, but you’ll have to wait and see…

xoxo,

blog pinterest - five minutes might change my mind (1).png

taking care

Make it a-MAY-zing!

May 1, 2018October 12, 2022 @happedancing

So it’s May. We are beginning the fifth month of 2018. To some of us it’s like WOW where did the time go? For others it may seem to be dragging along. At this point, spring is in full swing and we are finally coming back to life after a long and strange winter. As the summer draws near, let’s shake off the cold and make this new month a-MAY-zing!

There’s a revitalizing quality about this time of year. The newness of flora and fauna, the longer days, and there is SO MUCH LIGHT! It’s amazing, and if you notice, it energizes people. Look around. People are taking dogs for walks, they are out jogging. They are drinking on porches, dining on patios, and playing cornhole. This time of year is a great “goldilocks” time to take advantage of outdoor activities; it’s not too hot or too cold. It’s just right.

Having that said, I want to invite you to join our 91 Rewind a-MAY-zing Challenge! Crystal and I are going to kick off this month by doing something that scares us a little. We are going to challenge each other to make a new habit. We’ll pick something and try to do it every day for an entire week. After the week, we will report back on the good, the bad, and the ugly. Who knows? May-be we will a-MAY-ze ourselves? (haha I can’t quit with the May puns!)

For the first week of May, I’m going streaking. RUN STREAKING that is. I’ve been hearing a lot about these everyday runners and I’m intrigued. Some people have run every day for multiple years. This astounds me. I mean, I run all the time, but certainly not every day. I’m kind of afraid my legs will fall off, but a dear friend of mine @run_rhea_run gave me a bit of advice on the subject. She said to start small with a short period of time, and check in along the way. Rhea is a streaker, a 4X Boston Marathoner, speed demon, and general badass. She said she started with a week and just kept going with it. Now over four years later, she is still streaking and running stronger every day.

It is nearly impossible for me to imagine running for 1500+ days in a row, but I’m sure Rhea felt that way too when she began. I don’t necessarily have the same expectations for myself, but it’s really cool to see how a small idea can evolve into something really awesome. If you just stick with it and allow yourself to be a part of the process, transformation will occur. She has had good and bad days, but she’s run through them all. Maybe just a mile at a time, maybe slowly, or around an airport terminal, but she just sticks with it. It’s inspiring to see such determination.

So that’s what I’ll do, too. I’m going to run every day for seven days in a row. This is scary because I may not make it through the entire week..I am telling you all about it so feel free to ask me how it’s going. If I do make it through the week, I will have a choice to make on day eight: end the streak or keep going…I have no idea know how this will go, but I’m excited to give it a try.

People say you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time. While we do not advocate or support eating elephants at the 91 Rewind, we do hope you have elephant-sized dreams and goals. We support your efforts in making them a reality and invite you to take a step—or maybe a week’s worth of steps towards making this month A-MAY-ZING! Persistence pays off, so as long as you can get started, your on your way.

P.S. – Crystal is also taking on a challenge for the first seven days of May…stay tuned for her post later this week!

Namaste,

taking care

the gift of receiving

April 26, 2018April 14, 2023 Crystal Varner Parker

I can still remember the day like it was yesterday…

I was four weeks into my motherhood journey of being a mom to two and I had things to do. With my husband at work, I had to fly solo with the parenting. One kid wanted to get out and play, one needed a nap, and still there were groceries to buy. How was I going to get it all done and maintain sanity? I was nervous about managing the day and the littles by myself. I set out on my mission anyway, not knowing the gift of receiving that awaited me.

I made it through our trip to the park without a hitch…

We spent the afternoon at ARCpark (arguably our favorite park in RVA) where the three year old explored and did ALL the things. The baby nursed and snuggled while her big sister played. Then, when it was time to leave, no one fussed or caused a scene. It was glorious, and I was filled with confidence I could handle the rest of the afternoon.

Now it was time to do the grocery shopping…

I was convinced I could handle this trip on my own, because I had babywearing on my side. I got the baby all wrapped up in the Moby, three year old joyfully held my hand as we walked to get a shopping cart. We bought ALL the things, or at least all the things on the grocery list, and headed to the registers to make our purchases. I was exhausted from the day and truthfully, hoped for as little small talk as possible at the check out.

Then the question came…

The store manager asked if he could unload my shopping cart for me. I was taken aback. Here was this person, who undoubtedly had more important things to do, who wanted to unload my shopping cart. This manager guy was sitting rather high on the chain of command, but he still wanted to help me? My first inclination was to say no. I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need a man to help me. But I was compelled to say yes, to accept this offer despite not needing it. I’m terrible at asking for help and accepting it when it was offered. In this instance, I didn’t NEED the help, but who was I to say no? I was a postpartum mom trying to do it all, but why? Who said I have to do it all on my own?

It looks like two people supporting each other; one person leaning back (almost in a trust fall), and the other holding them up. No one person can exist alone and no one person can support themselves.

We often seek independence and feel weak asking for or accepting help from another, but we all need a little help sometimes. An offer has to be accepted in order to have value, and sometimes that offer is as much for the benefit of the giver as the receiver. Receiving a gift is a gift unto itself.

Accepting the gift of receiving is simple. Here’s what you do:

Say yes to the offers of help.
Tell someone you need support.
Offer help to someone who needs it
Repeat.

We can all accept the gift of receiving if we just say yes.

xoxo,