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taking care

a long way to go

@happedancing

Maybe it’s because Santa is watching, maybe it’s because of all the cookies and alcohol go to our heads, or maybe there really is a surplus of cheer in the air…this time of year is different than the others. It feels different, depending on where you live it may even look different. For some reason, the holidays are viewed as the pinnacle of the winter season, but in reality, they are merely a kickoff party. Winter has just begun and there are almost three months of cold and darkness ahead. The dropping of the ball on New Year’s Eve is a symbolic start, but it’s still winter. And we have a long way to go.

I found myself reflecting on the winter solstice this year.

From a calendar standpoint, this is just a nod to a new season, but for me it is starting to mean a little more. It just so happened that I was teaching a yoga class, on the first day of winter, under an *almost* full moon. I may not have paid any attention to this, but some fellow teachers at the studio where I work were holding a special celebration of the solstice after my class. So, of course I had to be inquisitive and find out more about why the solstice needed celebrating.

The winter solstice is the 21st day of December and is the shortest day of the year. For those of us in the northern hemisphere, it is also the darkest day of the year. This year was kind of special in that there would be a full moon on the day after the solstice. This was an amazing stroke of luck in my opinion.Not only would the days get longer after December 21, but the moon would be full and bright and illuminate the darkness. It was as if the universe was challenging me to see things differently.


There is a tendency to treat winter like a new Christmas toy.

We love it out of the box, we are having so much fun until that shit gets real. Just as a toy would break, or need new batteries, or have pieces fall off, our sentiment about the winter does the same thing. It falls off. We party until the first of January, but soon we want to skip forward to spring break. We dislike the shorter days and having to wear multiple layers of clothing. We lament the money we spent over the holidays. We swear off every bad choice we made in the previous year and vow to redeem ourselves through a torrent of new year’s resolutions.

We want to leave the bad weather and bad habits and fast forward to the fun stuff. We are results oriented and we want to skip to the part where it’s done without having to go through the discomfort of not quite being there yet. Winter is the same way. We don’t enjoy being in it, we just want to be past it.

Sadly, the discomfort, the ickiness, the undesirable state of “going through” something is necessary.

In order to reach a new place, we will have to step away from where we are. We will have to spend a moment in transition. Winter is the same way…Unless someone has invented a time machine, we are going to have muddle through this winter time. Even though it’s dark and cold, and it seems we have such a long way to go.

So how does this relate to the winter solstice?

We’ve talked about choosing to be present before, and we can choose to be present here. In the middle of winter. When it’s dark and cold. Instead of lamenting an entire season, we can illuminate ourselves and lighten things up a bit. We can burn candles in our home. We can make a cup of tea or a pot of soup. We can gather with our loved ones and connect. We can even go outside in the evening and watch the days grow longer, one by one. Maybe, if we take the time, we can appreciate that slow but steady progression of the season.

The thing I’m learning about the winter time is this:

the light isn’t absent or missing, it just comes from the inside instead of the outside. WE have generate it, to charge it, nurture it. WE have to be the light. It sounds cheesy, but the holidays SHOULD be like a kick off party. We should try to keep the spark of kindness and generosity going throughout the season. We have to find it, that bright warmth, within ourselves and learn to shine in the darkness.

I would be remiss NOT to point out that this situation; this progress of inching forward at a glacial pace, is a bit of a microcosm for the world we live in. It seems that everywhere we turn we are raising awareness and building followings and embracing new opportunities, yet at times it feels like we are completely in the dark. There is still racism, sexism, bigotry and ignorance. The are coalitions and hashtags and foundations, but there is still pain. How can this be? How can things be changing all the time and yet, we still have such a long way to go?

It’s because like the seasons, things change gradually.

They don’t just go all at once like a switch. They creep, little by little. And we can creep too, right on into the world we imagine. Slowly but surely, plodding away at a glacial pace. The winter, like a lot of the bullshit in our lives, is happening, whether we like it or not. The best thing we can do is learn to be luminous. To cultivate light and warmth from our insides so that we can shine in the darkness.

Shine on my friends, and be the light!

Namaste,

E


taking care

protect our calendars, protect ourselves

Crystal Varner Parker

As we look ahead to a new year and manage the commitments on our holiday schedule, it is easy to get caught up and feel overwhelmed. We feel the need to be all things to all people. We fear being left out, so we say “yes” to every invitation despite all of the other “normal life” stuff we have to manage. We have hopes of saying no to some of the things, yet we choose not to protect our calendars. What if we chose to protect our calendar, and as a result protected ourselves?

Sounds Necessary, Right?

Protecting our calendars is incredibly important for our sanity. I recently had the privilege to speak at a couple of events on the topic of protecting our time. Some of those in attendance were already working to protect their calendar but didn’t know it. Others were desperate for guidance on how they could it. To me, it all comes down to understanding the word “Shabbat.”


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What is Shabbat?

It is derived from the Hebrew verb meaning to rest, cease, or stop. “Shabbat” is commonly associated with Jewish traditions, but at the most basic level, it is a verb. We all NEED Shabbat in our life. If we continue with all of our go-go-going, then we burn out. We get cranky, tired, overwhelmed, and have nothing (of worth) left to give to ourselves or others.

In extreme situations, chronic over-scheduling can lead to stress which over time can result in mental and physical illness. Even in a world that glorifies being “busy”, ain’t nobody got time for a nervous breakdown.

So, how do we Shabbat and protect our calendars?


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  1. We write out what a typical week or day looks like for us.

  2. We take a moment to notice the trends in our week or day.

  3. We adjust to find balance.

Shabbat teaches us that we cannot have obligations all the time. We have to find a balance between maintaining what we should do with what we would like to do. As we live into this, we will have to say no to things that jeopardize that balance. Sometimes we will say no to things that would bring us joy. Sometimes we will have to say yes to things we would prefer not to do (#adulting). In the grand scheme, our calendars will become less burdensome.

How does my calendar look?

It’s a work in progress, but my calendar has something on it almost every day of the week. In addition to taking care of my family, I work full-time and, have a side hustle. I also volunteer and stay involved in my church. Like most people, I enjoy spending time with friends as well. As I take time to assess the state of my calendar, I try to find a balance and leave room for Shabbat. I have to regularly remind myself that no one else is the boss of my calendar except me. I am the one who knows me best. I know when I am most productive (morning) and that I need to plan time to Shabbat so I don’t end up exhausted and blowing off something in an effort to catch up on rest. Being honest with myself about these truths will help me make better choices with my schedule.

I am not perfect at doing this, but I have a rule of thumb. At least one day of the weekend, I plan to not have plans. My husband and children and I so enjoy spending time with friends and loved ones on the weekends, but we know we need our downtime too. Last weekend, I had every intention of passing a leisurely Saturday, but a spontaneous family trip to the Illuminate Light Show with my mother-in-law sounded too good to pass up. Even though we had a delightful and relaxing Saturday, we still took a little extra Shabbat on Sunday because, why not?

I have found that it doesn’t have to be the same time or day every week, but the act of prioritizing Shabbat is our first step in achieving schedule equilibrium. By leaving ourselves room to “chill” or go with the flow, we protect our calendars from excessive commitments and our hearts and minds from burning out.  

Shabbat is..

Being real with ourselves: knowing and respecting how we work best, and finding balance without feeling guilty. Even if that balance means we say no to things once in a while.

It is up to each of us, individually, to decide how we spend our time.  I hope you are inspired to make Shabbat a regular focus of your week. We do not have to do everything, and more importantly, we can not physically handle a life full of obligations. As we prepare for a new year, let’s be a little more selective about what goes on the calendar. Let’s leave room for Shabbat and look forward to our most productive and restful year yet!

xoxo,
Crystal


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pause + rewind + try again

that’s the way we’ve always done it

The91Rewind

“If it’s not broke, don’t fix it!” “Why ruin a good thing?” We’ve heard this before. It encourages us to let go of our desire for perfection, but does it impede our progress at the same time? It’s easy to give up on something because we feel it can’t be helped, but what if we can help it. What if the answer to what vexes us more simple. Maybe it’s because that’s the way we’ve always done it.


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Have you heard the story of the Christmas ham?

A daughter was helping her mom in the kitchen as she was preparing the ham for their Christmas dinner (which was probably going to be at 2:00 PM since southerners don’t really know that dinner is in the evening). The daughter observed her mom prepare the ham and season it and even adorn it with cloves. She also noticed her mother cut off a few inches of the ham on either side before putting it in the oven and tossing the ends of the ham into the trash. That’s when the daughter began asking questions about the cooking process. She asked, “Why did you cut off the ends of the ham?”

The mother calmly responded, “That’s the way we’ve always done it.”

The daughter, knowing not to waste food, pushed for more, “But WHY?”

Her mom responded, “Well, that’s what my mom has always done, and I do it her way. We can call and ask if you like.”

So call grandma they did. Excitedly, grandma picked up the phone to chat about Christmas, not expecting any cooking questions. “Hey, Mom,” her daughter began, “I was making the Christmas ham, and your granddaughter asked a great question. She wants to know why we always cut off the ends of the ham before baking it?”

Grandma thought for a minute and then began to laugh. Through her giggles she says, “Because my oven is too small, I have to cut the ends off the ham to make it fit.”

There’s a danger in doing things the same way we’ve always done it

So many years of wasted ham! It’s a pity. You see, there’s a danger in doing things the same way we’ve always done it. Sometimes it’s just a waste of ham, but sometimes there’s an outdated approach that’s in desperate need of an upgrade. If you have a question about the why, ask it! (Even if you have to dig a little.) Knowing why isn’t a bad thing. There could be a valid reason OR it could be time to rethink the way moving forward.


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taking care

Just Ask

Crystal Varner Parker

How many times have you wondered if someone could do something you needed, but you didn’t ask out of fear? How many times have you needed help from someone, but you didn’t ask for worry it would inconvenience them? How many times have you skipped asking for what you needed, because it seemed unattainable? What if you would just ask and received the best possible answer?

Whenever we ask a question, there are two typical answers we can receive:

“yes” or “no”. I firmly believe that we skip asking what we perceive to be a tough question because we fear that the receiver of our inquiry will respond with “no.” Why is this such a big deal? We hold back, don’t get what we want or even need, all because someone MIGHT tell us “no.”

Over the last year, I’ve been a risk taker with asking for things.

Even when the request seems big, I ask it anyway. And do you know what’s happened? People say yes more often than they say no. And, when they have said no, things have managed not to fall apart. What did I lose by asking and being told no? Absolutely nothing. BUT, what happened when they said yes? I got exactly what I wanted and needed.


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What does it cost to ask?

Maybe it’s our pride. Maybe it takes courage. Maybe it’s Maybelline (JOKES!). Perhaps putting our own wants and needs first makes us feel a bit guilty. I have heard from friends and coworkers that they feel stressed and overwhelmed by all the appointments on their calendar. I’ve asked them if they have asked to move any of those appointments to better times for their schedules. And do you know what they say? No, not even once. They’ve even added that they can’t because of the position of leadership of the meeting organizer. But, I always push back and encourage them to ask anyway. Perhaps the meeting could move to another day of the week, or move to a better time in their schedule. I have had the courage to do this at work, on more than one occasion, and it’s turned out okay. On multiple occasions I’ve been able to move the meetings to a better time. On a couple occasions things couldn’t be changed. BUT, I’ve never lost my job for asking.

What do we gain by asking?

Lots of things like the courage to keep asking, continued growth from doing what we’ve been afraid to do, maybe we even get the help we need. Over the last year, Erica and I have been working hard to grow this little blog of ours. We hope to connect with new people and grow our community. In order to do this it requires us asking people to join us and be part of new things. Interviewing Kelli Lemon, Carrie Grace, and Abigail Spanberger didn’t happen by chance. It took asking, putting ourselves out there, and risking a “no” from them or their team. To this day, we keep asking and keeping striving to grow (in various ways).

What will you do the next time you have a question to ask?

I hope that you’ll just ask it anyway. I hope you’ll cast away your fear. I hope you’ll push yourself further ahead. And if you’re feeling nervous, remember to tell yourself that you’re an adorable badass! (P.S. we have #ADORABLEBADASS cards! If you need one, just drop us a line)

xoxo,

C


wall paper you can save and use on your phonewall paper you can save and use on your phone

wall paper you can save and use on your phone


wall paper you can save and use on your phonewall paper you can save and use on your phone

wall paper you can save and use on your phone

taking care

go with the flow

@happedancing

The last several weeks I haven’t felt like myself. I feel stuck in slow motion. Everything, from getting out of bed in the morning to deciding what I’m going to have for dinner, takes so much energy. I suspect it’s because I’m off my routine, which now that I think about it, I haven’t really had a routine in a couple of months. I like to think of myself as a whimsical and fun person, but the truth is I’m really not. I crave scheduling and checklists. I like to know exactly what I have to do and when I need to do it so I know exactly how much time I have in between. I can plan to be spontaneous, but it is hard for me to go with the flow.

I can set out for a run with no route, I can teach a movement class without a lesson plan, I can even strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, but I cannot just go with the flow. It drives me crazy to have “tentative” plans. I manage a lot of activities/hobbies/jobbies and my perception is that I’m far too busy to just “kick” it. This perception is precisely why I feel so listless after weeks of enjoying myself and earnestly trying to go with the flow.

Since September I’ve been out of town a lot, some for work and some for personal things. I’ve run a few races, I’ve visited with my friends. I’ve really had a lot of fun! I am an adult so that means I am in control of my own programming. I chose to make all these plans for myself and break my routine, so why do I feel so exhausted?

I had the great fortune of taking a yoga class with a dear friend

and gifted yoga instructor Cici recently. It was a “Yin” style class that included mostly passive stretching poses. I’ve never practiced this style before, but I knew it would be different than what I was used to. The objective of poses in a “Yin” sequence is to create sensations in the body; to stimulate relaxation by putting the muscles on a deep stretch.


Cici and Erica co-teaching an outdoor yoga classCici and Erica co-teaching an outdoor yoga class

Cici and Erica co-teaching an outdoor yoga class

What that means for a person like myself, (a compulsive mover who self-medicates with exercise and pot cookies), is that I am encouraged to slow down. To get the full experience of each pose, Cici instructed us to go to 60% of our max and that let our breath carry us the rest of the way. That probably sounds kooky, but it resonated with me. As I entered each pose, I was careful to leave some “room”; by the last few breaths I moved deeper in some of these stretches than ever before.

It was a pretty amazing experience. I didn’t do much other than choose to be present in the moment. I noticed the subtle changes with each breath, took inventory of how I was feeling, and when it felt good, I let myself go a little further. With Cici’s calm energy guiding me, I was totally “getting it”, and feeling so proud of myself for this awareness and intention. And then, she shared a quote with us, “Going with the flow is choosing to yield to life’s changes instead of fighting against them…”   

Suddenly, it hit me: I have been doing a lot of fighting against the ways and whims of the universe.

By trying to have a routine and add in all sorts of other things, I confused “going with the flow” with “being on the go”. I’m finding these are remarkably different philosophies. “Being on the go” means that I’m bogged down with obligations; doing one thing, but already thinking about the next, or worse lamenting something that didn’t go well earlier. When we live like this, we aren’t fully participating in life. We miss the present.


spontaneous handstands during a run in downtown Atlanta, GAspontaneous handstands during a run in downtown Atlanta, GA

spontaneous handstands during a run in downtown Atlanta, GA

Truly going with the flow doesn’t mean you say yes to every single activity.

It does not mean that you plow through life at recklessly high speeds leaving little time for rest or recuperation. Going with the flow means living one day at a time, remembering that today is new and different than yesterday, and appreciating that tomorrow will be new and different all over again. Going with the flow is deciding to take a walk instead of going to the gym because the weather is nice. Going with the flow is seeing an old friend at Target and making plans to get together THAT MINUTE instead of saying you will text them sometime.

If I take a step back, the dissolution of my routine did not result in a universal catastrophe.

I was not careless with my time or dismissive of my responsibilities. In fact, I planned all of this craziness months in advance. I had a sneaking suspicion it would leave me feeling overwhelmed, yet I did it anyway (tips on making better choices to come in a future post…maybe.)

I’m sure this won’t be the last time I over-commit, overextend, and overwhelm myself, but now I have a little more clarity when it happens. I can accept that I can’t have my routine and disrupt it at the same time. I can accept that there are only 24 hours in a day; that once they pass they are gone forever. I can choose to be present, to own my time and how I choose to spend it, WITHOUT FEELING REGRET!

There will be times where the routine falls off, where we must choose between what we *believe* should do and what we want to do.

In those times, we will do well to remember the choice is ours to make how WE SEE FIT. If we only focus on deficiencies, on what we could be doing instead of what we are doing, we miss the present. When we allow ourselves to get excited about what lies before us , even the little stuff, everything changes. After all, being present is a choice.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Bill Keane (or more importantly from Kung Fu Panda 3):

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, which is why they call it the present.”

If you guys have not had a chance to flow with Cici at 110 Yoga, take her class. It’s a real treat!

Namaste,

E


sea animals are experts at going with the flowsea animals are experts at going with the flow

sea animals are experts at going with the flow


taking care

thankful, grateful, restful

The91Rewind

As we approach the holiday season, things get hectic. We are rushing here, there, and everywhere. We feel compelled to attend all gatherings, see everyone, and not miss anything. It’s a tall order to fill and leaves many feeling anxious…How will it ever come together? Today we have an idea to help you enjoy the season without feeling depleted. Rather than try to do it all, maybe we can slow down and allow ourselves to feel thankful, grateful and restful.

We are taking time off to enjoy our families.

It will be a challenge to get as much time as we would like with our loved ones; my brother and Erica’s dad both work in retail, which means after the Thanksgiving table is cleared, it’s time for these men to go back to work. Many of us are aware that retail stores do not take any breaks this time of year. For so many retailers, the holiday season as their last big sales push to end the fiscal year on a positive note. (They don’t call it #BlackFriday for nothing!) With that in mind, we invite you to share in our show of support for the retail industry by NOT SHOPPING ON THANKSGIVING! Last we checked, Thanksgiving was about gathering with those you love to celebrate gratefulness, not getting a “sweet deal”.

We all deserve a rest.

When we do finally have a break in our regularly scheduled lives, we are quick to fill the space with activities; maybe things we have put off, maybe things we are excited about, maybe obligatory things…we see our days off not as a restful break, but a chance to make up for lost productivity. We constantly overextend ourselves. You are entitled to a break every now and then. Maybe this will be the year that you leave your day off open like “free space” on a bingo card.

Choose to be present.

Even if the time we have with our “people” is short, we can make it count. We vow to unplug, we choose to be present, we desire to create a holiday that is as restorative as it is enjoyable. We hope you’ll do the same, so we can all be as thankful, grateful, and restful as possible.

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taking care

run like a girl

@happedancing

When I was a kid, I used to get upset when my childhood friends (mostly boys) said I ran like a girl or threw like a girl or really reminded me that I was a girl at all. I was vastly outnumbered in my neighborhood, and while the boys were nice to let me hang once in a while, there were times when I really wished I had more girls around. Luckily in these times, I had my bestie Crystal to commiserate with. She has a brother and boy cousins and felt my pain of being the odd woman out. Fast forward some years later, and I’m finding myself surrounded by more powerful adventurous athletic women than I can count. They are my adventure crew, my ride or dies, my bucket list babes.  We do let the boys hang once in a while, but most of the time we like to feel our power. And now, I can proudly say that hell yeah, I do run like a girl.

Speaking of running like a girl…

check out some of these fun facts (and the articles to back them up) from the past couple of years to see just how far women have come in the running game:


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As this fall race season is in full swing, chances are high

that you know a woman who’s racing towards a goal. It may be her first 5k, it may be her 101st marathon, but either way, take a moment to give your girl a high five. It doesn’t matter what distance, which race, or if you’re racing at all, going for a run is an amazingly gratifying experience. If you want to feel YOUR power, just strike out on your two legs…see how far you can go!

namaste and safe travels,

E


remember when you hit the streets…#wegonshineremember when you hit the streets…#wegonshine

remember when you hit the streets…#wegonshine


pause + rewind + try again

being the other

Crystal Varner Parker

Growing up as the ‘mixed kid’ means I’ve spent most of my life keenly aware that I’m not quite like everyone else. I don’t look as Japanese as my mom, nor do I look as Japanese as my grandmother from Fukuoka, Japan (on the island of Kyushu). I definitely don’t look as white as my dad who lovingly adopted me after my parents were married when I was five years old. As a child in Chesterfield County Schools when there were only one or two Asian kids per grade level, I couldn’t help being the “other.”

By the time I was in middle school and my mom moved us to

Henrico County Schools, I didn’t feel quite as different. I’d sit down in my classes and realize there was a solid handful (or more) of Asian kids in my grade. By high school it wasn’t uncommon to regularly have one or two Asian kids in classes with me. I was still different because I was mixed whereas most were 100% Cambodian, Chinese, Korean, or Vietnamese (only to name a few of the many ethnicities). Most of the time my fellow Asian American classmates embraced me, but sadly no one else was Japanese. I began to feel like the “other”, the odd woman out, once again. Thanks to early forms of social media (shout out to Asian Avenue) I was able to make some Japanese friends.

Overtime I feel like I’ve quieted some of my Japanese-ness so that I would fit in with the group.

Now I have the chance to hear “I just see you as you and not as being different.” I know that that’s meant to be a compliment, to see me as being like everyone else, but we both know that I’m not. I come with a cultural history that makes me uniquely me, just like you do as well. I don’t know what all of your colloquial figures of speech mean, and you don’t know that I cringe inside when you leave your chopsticks in your food. I’ve learned to use the word “y’all,” but I have an aversion to the number four. I can’t help being Japanese, but my hope is that you might seek to understand more about me and my heritage. I have always been intrigued by the others and sought to know them better, my hope is that you may feel the same.


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I was recently at an event where there was talk about

who is the “other” for each of us in regards to making connections with people. The facilitator encouraged us to think about situations where we have to interact with “other” people. Many shared great examples (race, gender, sexual orientation, politics, etc.), but I couldn’t help realizing that I would fit in at least one of their “other” categories. There was great conversation about a desire to push through the “other”-ness and connect with others. There was a desire to know how to break through these boundaries. Some of the conversation was focused on doing what you can or at least praying about it.

BUT then I, the “other” in their midst, spoke up.

I said that we needed to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. For some this is feeding the hungry For some this would be dining with those different from themselves. And for others, it could be as simple as getting to know someone different from themselves. The facilitator of the group quickly dismissed me, and made it clear that I shouldn’t challenge the status quo. They made it clear that they were not interested in digging deeper into this and engaging with the “other” in their midst. Most of my life I’ve tried not to disrupt the status quo, but I’ve learned that none of us benefit from being silent in the face of injustice. I’m also keenly aware that our zone of comfort and discomfort will be different for each of us. I challenged someone to step out and they didn’t like it. But I also don’t like being the “other” all alone.

I have learned to embrace who I am and appreciate the diversity of others.

I have loved learning my grandmother’s mother-tongue, Japanese, but I’ve also loved learning the languages spoken by others. Learning even the tiniest bit of Mandarin Chinese made it easier to communicate with my best friend’s grandmother, who didn’t speak any English. It made it easier for her to feel comfortable in the midst of a life that was confusing and uncertain due to her dementia. I have loved having French as a common language to ease the divide while in Haiti, AND that it eased my learning of Haitian Creole. I have loved learning the words of new foods in the language of new restaurants, whether those words were a language spoken in India, Ethiopia, or Lebanon.

The world we live in is diverse and beautiful.

It took the Army pushing my grandfather out of his comfort zone to leave his tiny town in Minnesota to go to Japan to meet my grandmother. It took my grandmother leaving her family and comfort of the known to marry a man who’s language she didn’t speak. It took their willingness to go the unknown path to create a family that is beautifully diverse. A family that now represents a multitude of cultures (Czech, Irish, German, and Norwegian to name a few) all because you do their willingness to do what was scary and hard. I know that I don’t have the only melting pot family, but I hope you’re willing to get it know it or another one like it for that matter.

Being the “other” isn’t a bad thing.

When people take the time to get to know who you truly are as a person, we break down barriers and walls. We find common ground. Embracing the “other” in your midst is having a desire to get to know them, appreciating their differences, and fully embracing who they are as an individual. We must see beyond the color of our skin, but learn to appreciate and embrace all that makes us different.

xoxo,

C


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taking care

9 Steps to Being a Good Human

Crystal Varner Parker


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We are in a time where many people are speaking up about the injustice they see in the world. About what they don’t like in politics. About how they think things should be done. With all this speaking out, some people don’t like what they are hearing. When someone doesn’t like what they’re hearing, they might get upset. They may want to jump straight to the name calling and/or proving that someone wrong. Most of us know this seldom helps, yet we do it anyway. So what are we to do? How do we have our opinions and beliefs without being ranting and  raving. How can we peacefully disagree? I believe, that in order to get through these divisive times, we each need to follow 9 steps to being a good human.

Whether you’re a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or don’t identify with a political party…

we can recognize that we don’t always see eye to eye on things happening around us. Some of us are passionate about getting certain people into elected or appointed to various public offices. Some of us are determined to see our systems become equitable across genders and races. Some of us want to see that our reproductive rights remain protected. Some of us want to ensure that our right to bear arms is not infringed upon. Some of us are determined to be part of the solution. Some of us are apathetic. Some of us are determined to win at all costs. BUT, name calling, screaming, and yelling are not productive tools because they discourage understanding and collective progress.

So what is productive? What will help us get through this?

The answer is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

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9 Steps to Being a Good Human:

Step 1. Love creates a desire for understanding.
Step 2. Joy is most certainly better than sadness.
Step 3. Peace is the goal of turmoil and war.
Step 4. Forebeance is needed amidst all the Internet fighting.
Step 5. Kindness is best enjoyed when shared  (*ahem* #sharingkindnesschallenge).
Step 6. Goodness is in each of us (even in those people who drive us the craziest).
Step 7. Faithfulness reminds us that there is goodness in all.
Step 8. Gentleness helps us to soften and smile.
Step 9. Self-control helps us listen before speaking.

Perhaps you’ll call me a Pollyanna.
Maybe you’ll say that I’m wearing rose colored glasses.
I’d like to say I see the world as a glass half full and all of which is full of potential.

It may not be easy to lean into these things each day…

but it is far better than the alternative. We’ve seen the results in recent weeks of our awful behavior. A mass shooting at a synagogue on Saturday during Shabbat services. Explosive devices were sent to MANY people (a former president, a former secretary of state, a news station, and a  philanthropist to name a few). We don’t have to agree with someone to know that attempting to blow up people or that killing peope is wrong. Ideologies aside, let’s try to be kind human beings together making our world (and internet) a better place for us ALL. No matter how you may vote on November 6th, what you may think about our president (past, present, or future), your crazy aunt’s posts on Facebook, or the gender identity of a classmate, it’s important to be a kind human being. Let’s do better y’all, I believe in us.

Xoxo,

C


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pause + rewind + try again

maybe it is a scary time to be a man

@happedancing

Every now and then an issue arises upon which I feel the need to offer some commentary. This most recent claim that I have seen about times being scary for men seems preposterous at first. I’ve been ruminating on it for quite some time, and I guess if you do take a moment to think about it from the (white) male perspective, maybe it is a scary time to be a man.

Now, with the #metoo movement going strong and countless individuals stepping forward

to confront the people that have raped or assaulted them; and others speaking out to identify known perpetrators in various Industries, men have quite a bit to worry about. Our very own, tangerine-tinted #45 claimed not long ago that this is a time when “you can be guilty of something you may not be guilty of.” Aside from the numerous grammatical issues with this statement, there is something larger lurking in the background. I believe what President Trump is referring to is the idea that you can be held accountable for something that you do not believe you are guilty of. The idea that the law is more powerful than our opinions of ourselves, why for someone like Trump, that is scary indeed.

To that end, anyone claiming that this is a scary time for boys is right.

Behavior that was previously dismissed as boys being boys is now realized as inappropriate, dangerous, and at times predatory behavior. It means that men have to calculate risk before approaching a situation; they have to think before they speak and act to ensure that they do not offend, endanger, or otherwise mislead the individuals with which they are interacting. I suppose it would be scary to discover that those little lewd comments, the gestures, the seemingly harmless banter with the women (or men) in your life could actually be taken the wrong way. Not only that, but that it could blow back on you. I guess it would be frightening to come to the realization that what you thought was innocent fun and flattery were actually damaging. The criticality of men not only understanding but anticipating the impact of their behavior is imperative but it is new territory. (This has been woman’s plight since the dawn of time…)


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The good news in these scary times is

that some of the privileged few are immune from the perils of being held accountable. Don’t be too afraid of the future,  (white) men, because if you’re the right color, and you have the right re$ources, you can overcome your accusers and still be confirmed to the Supreme Court of the United States.  

I’m pissed,
E


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