Crystal Varner Parker

I am sorry for my silence

June 26, 2019 Crystal Varner Parker

For years I was silent. Maybe it was out of fear. What would be the consequence if I spoke up? Would I lose my job? What would my friends or family say? But now, all I can say is I am sorry for my silence.

You need allies.

Whether you are facing racial, religious, gender, sexual orientation, you name it discrimination, you need allies around you. It’s difficult to know who the allies are among you if we remain silent. You need us to let you know that we acknowledge you for who you are, view you as a whole human being, and love you despite what others are saying. You need us to tell others that we stand in solidarity with you, even if we may not face the same forms of discrimination as you, but we are on your side. I am sorry for my silence when you need me to be your ally.

You need advocates

When you were (or still) struggling and unable to speak for yourself, you need those of us with the ability to speak up to do so. You need some of us to be more than allies among you, because you need us to advocate for you. We need to speak up in the places and spaces to say that you matter, you deserve the same rights and protections as everyone else, and that the discrimination you’ve faced, are facing, and continuing to face is wrong. You cannot be the only voice speaking up against the injustices that you’re facing. Sitting quietly by your side while you silently struggled is not enough. There is a reason for your silence, and I’m guessing it’s much larger than my fear of consequences. I am sorry for my silence when you need me to be your advocate.

I will not be silent any more.

At the risk of angering some, alienating others, and standing up for what’s right, I will not be silent in the face or your struggles anymore. I cannot promise that I will be a perfect ally or advocate, but I’m going to do the best that I can. If i’m not doing it quite right, I do ask that you (gently) let me know. The list of struggles by those around me can feel endless, but here are the issues currently weighing on my heart…

Sexual violence
Gender identity/sexual orientation discrimination
Racial discrimination
Asylum seekers treated inhumanely at the United States port of entry
Gender discrimination
Religious discrimination, particularly against Muslims
(please note this list is ever growing and not all-inclusive)

I cannot promise that I will be a perfect ally or advocate, but I’m going to try and do the best that I can. I hope that together, we can all work to make this place a better world for us all. One step at a time.

xoxo,

NOTE: The timing of this post is fortuitous, and I cannot take full credit for this coming when it did.
Changes are happening after the outcry over the treatment of asylum seekers at the USA/Mexico border
This week concludes the celebration of Pride month.
This Saturday marks the ordination of someone in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) ,that I admire and respect, as a Minister of Word and Sacrament. Their ordination is historic, as they are the first openly non-binary individual to be ordained in the PC(USA). I am better for knowing them, learning from them, and to know they are serving the church.

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enough with the thoughts and prayers

June 6, 2019October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

In Virginia Beach, Virginia there was yet another mass shooting.

Another day, week, month, year where even more people are dying from gun violence.

I’ve had enough with the thoughts and prayers, it’s time for action.

Step One

The first thing I’m doing is taking the time to remember the names of each of the victims.

Virginia Beach, VA victims: Laquita C. Brown, Tara Welch Gallagher, Mary Louise Gayle, Alexander Mikhail Gusev, Katherine A. Nixon, Richard H. Nettleton, Christopher Kelly Rapp, Ryan Keith Cox, Joshua A. Hardy, Michelle "Missy" Langer, Robert "Bobby… — Virginia Beach, VA victims: Laquita C. Brown, Tara Welch Gallagher, Mary Louise Gayle, Alexander Mikhail Gusev, Katherine A. Nixon, Richard H. Nettleton, Christopher Kelly Rapp, Ryan Keith Cox, Joshua A. Hardy, Michelle “Missy” Langer, Robert “Bobby” Williams, Herbert “Bert” Snelling

Step Two

The next thing I’ve done and will continue to do, is refuse to know the name of the shooter. Each time I read or see a news report that includes their name, I close it or turn it off. I refuse to have this murder’s name sealed in my brain. I will not let them have a moment of fame, if I have any say in the matter.

Step Three

I will also ensure that my elected officials are doing something to prevent this from happening again. I was a high school student when Columbine happened, and by the time I was eighteen, I didn’t think this needed to be top of my voting priorities. Then the Virginia Tech shooting happened when I was in graduate school. By then, I had voted in multiple elections and began to realize something may need to change in my voting priorities. In the 12 years that followed, countless mass shootings have occurred and one of these is in my home state, AGAIN.

My congresswoman is doing what she can to work towards better gun regulation.

While I fully recognize and uphold our constitutional right to bear arms, I do not consent to the murder of innocent children and adults. I don’t have all of the answers (yet) on how we proceed, but I will not stop until the situation is better. I know that mental health is a big piece of the overall picture, but guns are still the weapon of choice in these atrocities. I want to learn from each side of this “debate” that shouldn’t be a debate at all. If we as Americans believe in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, we cannot allow our fellow Americans to lose their opportunity for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We need more than thoughts and prayers to make this happen. We need conversations (NOW) and we need actionable change.

The status quo cannot remain or more lives will be lost.

Just last week, a mass shooting was prevented at Cleveland High School, close to where Erica grew up. As his fellow students practiced for graduation, a Cleveland high school senior managed to get a loaded 9mm, multiple loaded magazines, and other weapons onto school grounds. Authorities were tipped off by a student and made the arrest before any violence happened, fortunately. While I am eternally grateful that the police were proactive, I have to question how a young adult of highschool age was able to obtain all these supplies? It is terrifying to think that a person who can’t even vote can procure an armory of weapons to carry out a plan of mass-execution. It is not important at this point whether guns are a problem. (They are.) What is more important is understanding what compels one human to want to inflict harm upon others. Where is our compassion?

What if…

Instead of immediately jumping to defend our right to bear arms, what if we investigate how this privilege keeps falling into the wrong hands? If we are truly pro-life, then we need to start focusing on helping each of us live. Now. We need to protect and value each other. We owe it to ourselves to try and understand each other better, to be kind, to be compassionate.

To end today’s conversation, I share with you, these words from my congresswoman, Abigail Spanberger:

In the wake of these tragedies, we always offer thoughts and prayers, but people in office – at the state and federal level – can make changes. We can fight this violence, and we must do it to honor the lives of the Americans who are murdered each year.

In the House of Representatives, we passed bipartisan legislation to require background checks on all firearm purchases. We passed bipartisan legislation to close the “Charleston loophole” so that law enforcement has the necessary time to return a background check and ensure that those who are prohibited buyers can’t buy a gun because of timing.

These meaningful efforts would save lives. Both of these bills are being held up for a vote in the Senate. Meaning-> Senate Majority Leader McConnell is simply refusing to bring these bills up for a vote. Our good legislation cannot become law unless he allows a vote.

There are additional bills in the House aimed at addressing risk factors, training in de-escalation, and ensuring individuals in crisis who are a threat to themselves or others can be helped and not able to take their own lives or the lives of others. They are good bills, and we will keep working them.

At the state level, I urge my elected colleagues to continue fighting for basic legislation that would help make our communities safer.

And if your elected representative isn’t fighting for our communities or helping to get good bills out of the committees for a full House of Delegates or State Senate vote, get behind a candidate who will and vote on November 5, 2019.

So what are we going to do?

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The Bucket of F*ckits

April 25, 2019October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

Do you worry about others being mad at you about something you might have done or said? Do you get worked up in your head about things you cannot change? Do you stress about the problem at work that you didn’t cause? If you know me in real life and have conversation with me and answered yes to those questions, then the following words are going to be familiar. If you do not know me IRL, it’s okay. Today I would like to share with you a life philosophy that may help free your mind and open you up to what’s most important.

May I now introduce you to: The Bucket of F*ckits.

Oh My Gosh! You Just Cussed!

I know it, and it felt great. If we’re completely honest with ourselves, some words are the only ones to fully articulate what it is that we’re feeling and thinking. Sure, I could refer to this life philosophy in a non-expletive-using way, but it wouldn’t fully articulate what I need to communicate to you. Heck, there are even studies out there that talk about how cursing is good for us, can help us better articulate our emotions or pain, and it’s a sign of greater intelligence.

So, I’m not going to let judgement over my use of the word f*ck get me down. Instead, I want you to understand the freedom and value of the Bucket of F*ckits.

Have You Ever…?

Have you ever been so frustrated that you wanted to storm out and just yell “f*ck it”?
Yeah? !
Me too.

Have you ever been up to your eyeballs in things to do and needed to prioritize that list?
Yeah? !?!
Me too!!

Have you ever felt like other people’s problem were becoming you own, and you wanted to give it back to them?
Yeah? !?!?!
ME TOO!!!

These three examples are a small sample size of why we NEED a Bucket of F*ckits.

What Goes in a Bucket of F*ckits?

For starters, the Bucket of F*ckits should be filled with the things that matter most to you. We may have lots of things that we care about, but that is certainly not every little thing in our life. I will go out on a limb and declare that not everything deserves or should have our complete emotional investment. This does not make you a bad person either. If we are constantly giving from our emotional tank, we will certainly become depleted with nothing left to give.

Secondly, our bucket can only contain things that we are able to control. Some of us (*raises hand*) may like to think that we can be the master of it all, but we are NOT in control of everything. Learning to let go and accept that we aren’t in control is part of the bucket-embracing process, and there is a freedom in it. The contents of our buckets may differ from one day to the next based on what’s going on in our life, and that’s okay. It’s also worth noting, that some days it may feel like there is a slow leak in our bucket, and we must do that the best that we can.

The third thing that belongs in our bucket are things that help us accomplish our goals. We all have different needs, plans, and goals in life. These goals are an ever evolving list that changes based on our successes, resources, and abilities. We can’t focus on everything in life, but we should zero in on that which matters, and our goals have value and importance too. Our goals whether big or small deserve to be in our bucket.

What Does Not Go in a Bucket of F*ckits?

First and foremost, it is the things we cannot control. As much as we want to be the masters of our lives, we cannot control everything. No matter how hard we try, we are not in control of everything. We cannot make our coworkers or classmates complete their part of a project. We can only control how we react to these situations. We can decide to pick up the pieces that others have left, or say, I’ve done what I can and now it’s your turn.

Next, we must learn to accept that we cannot make others care more about the things that matter to us. Just because something is important to us, doesn’t mean it will be of value and importance to others. This doesn’t diminish the value of these things, nor does it make these people @sshats for not caring. They have different things in their Buckets of F*ckits and that’s okay. Hopefully we can learn to have mutual appreciation, but we have to decide how we will react. We have to learn to let go of their judgement, and then treasure what matters to us because it’s of value to us.

Finally, we have to let go of the judgement of others. Their opinion does not have value unless we allow it to have value. We get to choose whose judgement we internalize, how we react, and if we give it any weight. We also get to choose whether we allow the judgement of others into our buckets. Frankly, you’d better be really important (Erica, husband, children, close family or friends) or myself before your opinions get a spot in my bucket..

Let’s Recap

What belongs in your bucket:

The things that matter most to you.
The things within your control.
The things that will help you accomplish your goals.

What doesn’t belong in your bucket:

The things that are not in your control.
How others feel about the things that matter most to you.
The judgement of others.

Living the Bucket of F*ckits Life

To fully live into the Bucket of F*ckits philosophy we have to ask ourselves, “does this belong in my Bucket of F*ckits?” There should be no equivocation when asking ourselves this question. Our bucket belongs to us and us alone. We should treasure it, care for it, and only place in it what we want. Erica and I have used the following formula as a guide:

If it’s not a f*ck yeah, then it’s a hell no.

I hope you choose wisely what goes into your Bucket of F*ckits, because it can get full quickly. When you’re bucket starts running over, it could very well mean you’ve allowed others to fill it up. (ProTip: it’s not their bucket to fill!)

Take care of your bucket, and feel free to throw sh*t out if it doesn’t belong.

xoxo,

just for fun

The Case for Snail Mail

March 28, 2019October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

We live in a world where so much is fast, quick, and digital. We feel disconnected, rushed, and at times out of sorts from the frenetic pace. We wish there was something that could slow down the speed at which we go through life. In this go-go-go life, there is one thing that is still pretty slow…the mail! Typically, we don’t get excited about the mail. We walk to our mailbox with dread, knowing that it will be filled with junk and bills. However, every now and then we receive a card, note, or package addressed to us puts a little skip in our step. Today, we would like to make the case for snail mail.

Why go old fashioned when we’ve made so much progress?

As society moves forward, we advance the way we do things in many ways. Sending an email can be an efficient way of sending a time-sensitive message. It allows us to communicate the things that need to be said with expediency, but it lacks a personal touch. When we send someone a hand-written note, letter, or even a card, we are able to communicate in ways that we simply cannot do on a computer screen. We let someone know we spent time thinking about them. It’s very special! Sure, email is great for the quick message that’s longer than a text message, but it cannot replace an old fashioned letter.

Why go paper when you could go digital?

The challenge many of us run into is determining what to do when sending out something to many people. What about the birthday parties, graduation parties, bridal showers, and baby showers? Wouldn’t it be easier to just use an electronic invite program? Sure, they have cute designs, but is it ever exactly what you want? Chances are you find something that “works” but maybe doesn’t quite capture your event. We can admit how much we love to receive a beautiful invitation in the mail. Even more when someone takes the time, with their own hands, to fill it out just for us. The level of thought and care it takes someone to select, design, and send does not go unnoticed, but that extra step of finishing it by hand makes a huge difference.Maybe next time you plan an event, you will take the extra step, too?

Basic_Invite_Graduation_Invites_and_Announcements_4.jpg

Are you looking for quality paper goods?

Look no further than Basic Invite. They have an almost unlimited color palette and 40 colors to choose from for envelopes. Plus, you get a free sample of your design! Creating an invitation or piece of stationery on their website was like a dream. As if that wasn’t enough, they even have an address capturing service to help you let your friends and family know you need to update your address book. Simply share the link on social media, and they compile the data for you. THEN, they’ll address the envelopes at no additional cost to you. Finding a service that provides what you need, does it well, and at a great price is a rare gift.

Why choose Basic Invite?

I am the admitted queen of snail mail of this The91Rewind duo. I will send a card to say “thank you”, “I’m thinking of you,” “I miss you,” “I’m sorry you’re having a bad day/week/month/year,” or to invite you to a fun shindig at my crib house. Even though I am the queen of snail mail, I still struggles with finding the perfect stationery. Last spring, I spent hours choosing and then designing the perfect invitation for my friend Stephanie’s baby shower. Everywhere I looked the designs were mediocre at best or they were overpriced. Despite my best efforts, I eventually designed an invitation as best I could and found a decent(ish) place to get them printed. IF ONLY I would have known about Basic Invite then. They currently have an invitation almost IDENTICAL to the one I made, AND I could have adjusted the colors to match the baby shower theme. Basic Invite would have saved me so much time, and anxiety in designing the perfect invitation.

We have a deal for you!

Right now Basic Invite is offering 15% with the coupon code 15FF51 to the readers of The91Rewind. Simply design your perfect invitations for graduation party, polaroid graduation invitations, or even inviations for a bridal shower or baby shower. Best of all , you’ll save while you do it! We were so happy to order and receive some “Adorable Badass Cards” from Basic Invite, and we are certain you will love your order too. Let Basic Invite take the stress out of your stationery designing, and send the perfect piece of snail mail as soon as you can.

As an added bonus to our readers, we would like to send you a gift too. To one lucky reader, we will send a pack of adorable badass cards and a note to share some love and encouragement. Leave a comment on this post or send us a message about why you want to start sending snail mail (or begin again). The lucky recipient will be chosen on April 22nd.

*This blog post is sponsored by Basic Invite, but all thoughts and opinions expressed are our own. We would never recommend a product or service that we have not or would not use. The small profit received for this piece is so that we can continue to create great content for you, our beloved readers (rewinders).*

taking care

The Power of a Shower

March 7, 2019 Crystal Varner Parker

For some of us, there’s healing power in sitting on the beach. For others, it may be hiking through the mountains. For many others, it may be a walk in the sunshine or splashing in rain puddles. Whatever it may be for you, there’s a healing power from being connected to something in nature. Crystal shares today a way we can connect with nature, when it’s not always possible.

For some of us, there’s healing power in sitting on the beach. For others, it may be hiking through the mountains. For many others, it may be a walk in the sunshine or splashing in rain puddles. Whatever it may be for you, there’s a healing power from being connected to something in nature. There may be moments where getting outside isn’t an option, and for those moments I’d like to share the power of a shower.

It’s important to find what helps you.

We’re regularly told the importance of getting outside to get some good old vitamin D. If we dig deeper into this topic, we can learn that it reduces stress, helps our immune system, helps us focus, can increase our short-term memory, increase life expectancy, and a whole host of other things. How we each want to connect with nature will vary on you as a person, but it’s important to find out what excites you about our natural world.

I’m a water healing person.

There’s something about the sound of water that does wondrous things for my soul. Whether it is the sound falling water from a rainy sky, flowing water along a creek or river, or the crashing sound of ocean waves…it improves my mood and makes me feel happy. I don’t have to physically touch the water, but it definitely gives me an extra boost when I can. There are times when getting outside and around water isn’t possible when I need it, especially when it’s after dark or there’s a terrible storm.

So what’s a water-loving girl to do?

I hop into the shower. I stand there and let the water wash over me. If standing doesn’t do the ticket, I sit down and feel immersed and surrounded. Suddenly my feelings of overwhelm and frustration melt away. Sometimes I have myself a pity party in the confines of my shower. The soothing support of the water allows me to let go and wash away the negativity. After my shower, I am refreshed and rejuvenated. Then, I can finally start to formulate my plan a.k.a. put on my big girl panties and conquer the world my problem of the moment.

The power of a shower.

If you need to generate some tranquility and connect with nature, but you can’t quite head off to the beach, I’d like to encourage you to give the shower technique a try. It may not be as good as a hike or a day at the lake but listen. The sound of the water falling inside the shower can transport you, to the perfect rainy day stroll, to a babbling brook, or your favorite spot on the shore.

We can’t always take an island vacation when we need a reset, but we can take a few moments to relax and reset before we try again. Next time you need a few moments, jump in the shower and see where the water can transport your mind and soul.

xoxo,

Living Well

thank you for speaking up

February 14, 2019October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

As a woman who was born and raised in Virginia, my head has been spinning from all that’s been going on. Normally, happenings with our state leaders don’t make national or international news, but we’re not so lucky right now. On the first day of Black History Month, we found out that our governor may have been depicted in black face or in a Ku Klux Klan hood in his medical school yearbook. Shortly thereafter, we found out that our lieutenant governor has been accused of sexual assault. Then to round it all out, our attorney general admitted to dressing as rapper in black face with friends in college. I think it goes without saying, but this has been shocking, and invites questions about who should be in leadership of our state. I’m not here to say what I think should happen with our leaders, BUT I do want to take a moment to say thank you to my friends who have been speaking up against racism after these disappointing and embarrassing revelations.

Despite many speaking out against racism, I’ve heard people say that they are shocked by the recent events.

Personally, I was initially stunned that this was occuring in the 1980s, but then again I wasn’t that surprised. I was a child in the 80s who was teased regularly for the color of my skin, the shape of my eyes, and the perceived differences. I remember having many conversations with Erica about her experiences for being teased for the color of her skin. Our shared bond of being the mixed kids at school was something my mother at least understood. As much as there has been progress, racial insensitivity is still a thing. Being left out of the conversations of people of color is not uncommon for us folks of mixed heritage too.

As we discern how to move forward, may I ask a favor?

Please don’t forget about the other people of color in your midst, in particular, those who are mixed race. We aren’t enough of one thing or the other to truly belong, so we get left out. Whether our ethnicity is Asian, Native American, African, Indian, whatever, different parts of society do not want to claim us. Some say they “don’t see us as different”, which is a nice thing to hear, I guess. But it is still the exception and not the rule. Both Erica and I have had plenty of people point out our differences over the years. It seems despite it all, we are still different enough. Enough to stand out. To be recognized as the other. We don’t quite belong, which leaves us continually sitting on the sidelines struggling with racism, latent and blatant.

We want to be part of the conversations that move us forward to a better future.

It is thanks to progress that our parents decided to cross the racial divide. We have the benefit of learning from both sides of our cultural and ethnic background, and know that understanding someone who is not quite like you can be a great thing. We know firsthand that teaching our children to be authentic and aware of those who are different is a great thing. After being aware, we begin learning about others that aren’t quite like us and appreciating what makes them unique.

We need you to help us.

Those of us with a different colored skin are in a difficult position. If I speak up about racism and racial inclusivity, I am perceived as a victim or I’m an angry person of color. BUT if other white people speak up, other white people listen. I beg of you not to write me off AND to not write off the prophets of your time. Together we can make this world a better place that is rich in culture, wisdom, and understanding.

Love your Japanese/Native American/Irish/Norwegian American mixed friend,
C

How did you get here

How Did You Get Here: Natasha Foreman

January 31, 2019 Crystal Varner Parker

We are so excited to continue our How Did you Get Here series in 2019 on The91Rewind. Each time, we are bringing you stories of transformation, empowerment, and moxie. Today we have the opportunity to share the story of Natasha Foreman, whom you may know as curlycurvyyogini on Instagram, the founder of Lucid Punk apparel , and owner of Lucid Living. This woman wears MANY hats and she’s quite the calming healer. We can’t wait for you to get to know Natasha and love her as much as we do.

Reconnect through the power of sound. Each Tuesday, Natasha leads a Sound Concert from 6:15 – 7:15pm 🧘🏽🧘🏻‍♂️ Drop-ins are $17. All Lucid Living members receive 20% off of drop-in rate. #lucidlyliving 📸: @katieyuenphoto

How did you get started?

I totally lost my sh*t in 2009 when I was working as a financial advisor. I was extremely successful in my twenties and was fortunate to be in business alongside my boo. Everything was in this place of success in the eyes of many, but I spent my days managing 35 agents at the cost of 60-80 hour workweeks. I was always having to train and inspire others, but I was doing nothing to replenish and care for myself. In the midst of this, I gained 50 pounds, had an erratic sleep pattern, and my anxiety attacks (these initially started in college) became debilitating.

It was at this point, I decided something had to change. I broke things off with my boo, signed over my part of the business, packed up and left D.C. for Richmond. I stayed with my mom for nine months, during what I call my sabbatical, but I hardly left the house. This was a turning point for me. I had removed the factors causing me to hit this breaking point, but I didn’t have the tools I needed to care for myself moving forward.

After being on “sabbatical” for nine months, I had to start working again to support myself. I started working in financial advising again but in a more behind-the-scenes way. Fortunately, a client I knew owned a yoga studio, so I went to check it out. I had read that yoga could help with your breath, and I knew I could use some help breathing. I went to my first class, never stopped, and can now say that yoga saved my life.

Yoga was a catalyst. It pushed me toward more ways I could heal myself. Then, it turned into me wanting to share these tools with others.

What is the most rewarding thing about what you’re doing?

I get to hold space for people. Here, they can come into this space as they are and willingly move from this place of focusing outward to working inward.

What led you to feel the need to create Lucid Living?

Honestly, I moved from my heartspace. When I move from my heartspace, it’s where God or the Divine resides. I don’t always understand it or want to do it, but I follow it. I moved to my current physical space in March 2018, but prior to this, I was in a 200 square foot space in Carytown. The old space was just for healing services; I actually had to rent a different space for group classes. But one day my heartspace (the Divine) said, “I need you to do more. I need you to create a platform not just for you, but for others too.” So I did it. I wasn’t sure how, but I just did. Now, I have friends who don’t understand how I trust like this, but it’s gotten me this far, so I can’t stop.

What would you say has been the most challenging part of your journey?

Balance. I feel like I might be able to speak for other healers and those creating a space for others. We move from a place from working on ourselves to then seeing how great these tools are for others. I began caring for others and their ability to heal themselves, too. Once we start focusing on others, we forget about ourselves and our groundedness starts to suffer. I know now that I can’t be who I need to be for my clients, students, or anyone who comes here if I don’t take care of myself.

What is something you have learned?

So many things! Can the lessons stop??

To trust. When I feel this tug at my heart to move in a direction, I have to trust. When I don’t follow my heart, I see that I should have done it. Trusting and following that heartspace

Second, Fill my cup before I fill others. I know now that my nervous breakdown in 2009 was because I was constantly giving to others. Going. Giving. Going. Giving. Doing, BUT there was no being. There was no sitting and connecting in my space. I need to remember that I am important, and then I can do for others.

Seasons change, moon phases changes, and now our hours have changed! Our updated hours of operation are:⠀ ⠀ MON-THURS: 10am – 8 pm⠀ FRI: 10am – 6pm⠀ SAT: 9am – 5pm⠀ SUN: Closed⠀ ⠀ Book your appointment for an individual healing session online or call the studio at 804.592.0747 🧘🏽💆🏼🧘🏾‍♂️🧘🏻💆🏾🧘🏻‍♂️⠀ ⠀ #lucidlyliving ⠀ 📸: @katieyuenphoto

If someone wants to get started on this journey of being a healer, guiding people, or providing a space, what advice would you give them?

Find the tools that help you. If it’s yoga, singing bowls, or something you love, then that’s something to explore more. Go to a yoga teacher training and learn more for your own practice. If the sound of the singing bowls speaks to you, go to a training. Whenever we pursue a training, we don’t have to do or teach that thing. When I first went to yoga teacher training, I didn’t want to be a yoga instructor at all; I signed up to deepen my own practice. Before I finished that training, I was offered some teaching opportunities.I heard in my heartspace a call to do that thing I didn’t want to do.

Basically what I’m saying is to explore it all, because there are so many things in the alternative healing modalities. You have to explore to see what resonates for you. Determine which things help you feel the most grounded and centered, then if they do that for you, you’ll be able to hold space for others from the evidence of a lasting shift in your life.

How has all of this changed you?

Oh wow, this is being really real. Natasha now, is not Natasha back in 2009 (obviously), and I’m grateful for it. I needed to be that person back then, but I’m grateful that I have evolved. I transformed from being selfish and focusing on what I wanted, to a person who is grateful and wants to give. I feel like I have been given so much in the way of mentoring (from other small business owners, healers) and guidance from others, I want to be able to give back. People who know me from college and those who know me now are like two different worlds. Sometimes the people from now and then don’t always intersect, but those that do can really see the change in me. They can see the evolution, shifting, and growth. Hopefully, this is something we would all do, continually being better versions of ourselves.

What has surprised you most?

I like to be the person behind the scenes. I’m a learned extrovert, but really I’m the introvert that wants to be at home where I get fueled. What surprised me most, has been the reception of being in this space. Whenever we have a workshop or series-based class here and people leave talking about their experience, I’m pleasantly surprised that it happened here, at my place. I still can’t believe this space provides that, and my heart overflows with love and gratefulness. I have such gratitude for the words people say about what this space means for them. All I wanted to do is hold a space for people, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised with how receptive everyone has been of it.

Anything else you would like to share?

I’d encourage people to keep following their heart. I’m grateful for you two thinking of me to share what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. Thank you for your support at Lucid Living

Thank you for allowing us to interview you Natasha!

We hope you enjoyed getting know this awesome Richmonder. If you are fortunate enough to live in RVA, stop by Lucid Living for a healing service (Intuitive Massage, Thai Bodywork, Reiki, Yoni Steaming, Sound Therapy, and Aromatouch), a workshop, a Sound Concert, to purchase something from Lucid Punk Apparel (Reiki -infused clothing), or to learn more. When Natasha isn’t at Lucid Living, she also volunteers with the Junior League for the last ten years, and serves as the Vice-Chair on the Project Yoga Board of Directors.

Let the Himalayan singing bowls help you stay balanced and relaxed this holiday season. ⠀ ⠀ Join us this evening for a meditative Sound Concert from 6:15 – 7:15pm w/ Natasha. We can't wait to see you there!⠀ ⠀ #lucidlyliving⠀ 📸: @katieyuenphoto

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Holding Each Other Accountable

January 24, 2019October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

Recently I got into one of those Facebook debates with someone I didn’t know. I wanted to assume the other person was a decent human being because of our shared acquaintance. But, as it happens with most social media debates, I walked away feeling more frustrated and disappointed in the state of our current social climate than anything else. It seems as though we say things on the internet that we wouldn’t say to someone’s face. It also feels as though our sense of common decency is slipping, and that we are no longer willing to hold each other accountable.

The aforementioned debate began over a BBC article about Gillette’s recent video…

My cousin shared this article asking for thoughts. I read it and watched the video and thought it had a good message. I didn’t QUITE see why there was so much outrage, but that didn’t mean others weren’t justified in their feelings. This led me back to my cousins thread, where a couple thoughts had been shared.

I thought the youtube video comment was immature at best, but I was stunned by the second comment.

I took a moment to pause and wondered if it was worth responding.

I had to decide if I was going to engage in an internet debate. After wrestling with whether or not to respond, I felt like couldn’t let this sexism slide and responded. But before I knew it, my mother joined the conversation too.

Hours passed before my cousin’s friend responded…

I chewed on his words, and made one last response…

I never received a response to my comment, and I’m not all that surprised.

What has surprised me most about this, has been the resistance to being held accountable in this #MeToo world we live in. What is wrong with other men holding other men accountable for bad behavior? This video by Gillette says that some men are ALREADY holding other men accountable, but what’s wrong with more doing this? Women aren’t the ones (typically) teaching boys to beat each other up, to say inappropriate things to women, nor are they the ones (typically) silencing other women in meetings. We as women cannot fix what men are doing, but other men can (and should) speak up to one another.

Now, don’t get me wrong, women should be holding other women accountable too.

We should not excuse women being bitchy because it’s “that time of the month.” When our friends start gossiping about another woman, we have to stop the conversation in its tracks. BTW, Erica, did just this not too long ago while out with a group of her girlfriends. Want to know the best thing about this? No one got mad, the gossip stopped, and everyone STILL had a great time. We can take this even further though! When women hear that a another woman has been the victim of sexual assault or violence, we can stop the conversation from going down the “she deserved it route.” Instead we can empower the victim to speak up, or say that we hear your story, and we can that we’re sorry for their awful experience. We can sit alongside someone in their pain, and we can point out negative behavior even when we’re having fun.

Regardless of our gender, we shouldn’t make excuses for bad behavior.

I think some of the outrage over this Gillette video has to do with the fact that something has struck a nerve for a lot of people. Many of us want to say or do whatever it is that we want, but holding each other accountable makes us uncomfortable. Being held accountable means we have to make changes, and that the way we’ve always done it isn’t the way to move forward.

I hope we can be unafraid of being challenged to be better and do better.

Even if it’s difficult, I believe we need accountability. We are society that can make progress, but only if we are willing to make that progress forward. Society improves when more us improve. There was a time when segregation was acceptable, but it no longer is. There was a time when voting rights were only for white men, but it no longer is. There was a time when child labor was acceptable, but it no longer is. We still have a lot of work to do as a collective society, but if we all do our part, I’m optimistic we will become greater.

Growing with you,

taking care

protect our calendars, protect ourselves

December 19, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

As we look ahead to a new year and manage the commitments on our holiday schedule, it is easy to get caught up and feel overwhelmed. We feel the need to be all things to all people. We fear being left out, so we say “yes” to every invitation despite all of the other “normal life” stuff we have to manage. We have hopes of saying no to some of the things, yet we choose not to protect our calendars. What if we chose to protect our calendar, and as a result protected ourselves?

Sounds Necessary, Right?

Protecting our calendars is incredibly important for our sanity. I recently had the privilege to speak at a couple of events on the topic of protecting our time. Some of those in attendance were already working to protect their calendar but didn’t know it. Others were desperate for guidance on how they could it. To me, it all comes down to understanding the word “Shabbat.”

What is Shabbat?

It is derived from the Hebrew verb meaning to rest, cease, or stop. “Shabbat” is commonly associated with Jewish traditions, but at the most basic level, it is a verb. We all NEED Shabbat in our life. If we continue with all of our go-go-going, then we burn out. We get cranky, tired, overwhelmed, and have nothing (of worth) left to give to ourselves or others.

In extreme situations, chronic over-scheduling can lead to stress which over time can result in mental and physical illness. Even in a world that glorifies being “busy”, ain’t nobody got time for a nervous breakdown.

So, how do we Shabbat and protect our calendars?

We write out what a typical week or day looks like for us.
We take a moment to notice the trends in our week or day.
We adjust to find balance.

Shabbat teaches us that we cannot have obligations all the time. We have to find a balance between maintaining what we should do with what we would like to do. As we live into this, we will have to say no to things that jeopardize that balance. Sometimes we will say no to things that would bring us joy. Sometimes we will have to say yes to things we would prefer not to do (#adulting). In the grand scheme, our calendars will become less burdensome.

How does my calendar look?

It’s a work in progress, but my calendar has something on it almost every day of the week. In addition to taking care of my family, I work full-time and, have a side hustle. I also volunteer and stay involved in my church. Like most people, I enjoy spending time with friends as well. As I take time to assess the state of my calendar, I try to find a balance and leave room for Shabbat. I have to regularly remind myself that no one else is the boss of my calendar except me. I am the one who knows me best. I know when I am most productive (morning) and that I need to plan time to Shabbat so I don’t end up exhausted and blowing off something in an effort to catch up on rest. Being honest with myself about these truths will help me make better choices with my schedule.

I am not perfect at doing this, but I have a rule of thumb. At least one day of the weekend, I plan to not have plans. My husband and children and I so enjoy spending time with friends and loved ones on the weekends, but we know we need our downtime too. Last weekend, I had every intention of passing a leisurely Saturday, but a spontaneous family trip to the Illuminate Light Show with my mother-in-law sounded too good to pass up. Even though we had a delightful and relaxing Saturday, we still took a little extra Shabbat on Sunday because, why not?

I have found that it doesn’t have to be the same time or day every week, but the act of prioritizing Shabbat is our first step in achieving schedule equilibrium. By leaving ourselves room to “chill” or go with the flow, we protect our calendars from excessive commitments and our hearts and minds from burning out.

Shabbat is..

Being real with ourselves: knowing and respecting how we work best, and finding balance without feeling guilty. Even if that balance means we say no to things once in a while.

It is up to each of us, individually, to decide how we spend our time. I hope you are inspired to make Shabbat a regular focus of your week. We do not have to do everything, and more importantly, we can not physically handle a life full of obligations. As we prepare for a new year, let’s be a little more selective about what goes on the calendar. Let’s leave room for Shabbat and look forward to our most productive and restful year yet!

xoxo,
Crystal

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taking care

Just Ask

December 6, 2018October 12, 2022 Crystal Varner Parker

How many times have you wondered if someone could do something you needed, but you didn’t ask out of fear? How many times have you needed help from someone, but you didn’t ask for worry it would inconvenience them? How many times have you skipped asking for what you needed, because it seemed unattainable? What if you would just ask and received the best possible answer?

Whenever we ask a question, there are two typical answers we can receive:

“yes” or “no”. I firmly believe that we skip asking what we perceive to be a tough question because we fear that the receiver of our inquiry will respond with “no.” Why is this such a big deal? We hold back, don’t get what we want or even need, all because someone MIGHT tell us “no.”

Over the last year, I’ve been a risk taker with asking for things.

Even when the request seems big, I ask it anyway. And do you know what’s happened? People say yes more often than they say no. And, when they have said no, things have managed not to fall apart. What did I lose by asking and being told no? Absolutely nothing. BUT, what happened when they said yes? I got exactly what I wanted and needed.

What does it cost to ask?

Maybe it’s our pride. Maybe it takes courage. Maybe it’s Maybelline (JOKES!). Perhaps putting our own wants and needs first makes us feel a bit guilty. I have heard from friends and coworkers that they feel stressed and overwhelmed by all the appointments on their calendar. I’ve asked them if they have asked to move any of those appointments to better times for their schedules. And do you know what they say? No, not even once. They’ve even added that they can’t because of the position of leadership of the meeting organizer. But, I always push back and encourage them to ask anyway. Perhaps the meeting could move to another day of the week, or move to a better time in their schedule. I have had the courage to do this at work, on more than one occasion, and it’s turned out okay. On multiple occasions I’ve been able to move the meetings to a better time. On a couple occasions things couldn’t be changed. BUT, I’ve never lost my job for asking.

What do we gain by asking?

Lots of things like the courage to keep asking, continued growth from doing what we’ve been afraid to do, maybe we even get the help we need. Over the last year, Erica and I have been working hard to grow this little blog of ours. We hope to connect with new people and grow our community. In order to do this it requires us asking people to join us and be part of new things. Interviewing Kelli Lemon, Carrie Grace, and Abigail Spanberger didn’t happen by chance. It took asking, putting ourselves out there, and risking a “no” from them or their team. To this day, we keep asking and keeping striving to grow (in various ways).

What will you do the next time you have a question to ask?

I hope that you’ll just ask it anyway. I hope you’ll cast away your fear. I hope you’ll push yourself further ahead. And if you’re feeling nervous, remember to tell yourself that you’re an adorable badass! (P.S. we have #ADORABLEBADASS cards! If you need one, just drop us a line)

xoxo,

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